
GOD, I NEED YOU
As of today, I have been out of the hospital for a week. I had been feeling bad, painful ever since my dad moved out of my home in February. He had gone to the hospital, with a bad kidney infection and was there for a couple of weeks. Then, back to the skilled living facility. When he had gone to the hospital, which was about thirty minutes away, I had gone every day and I ended up with pneumonia twice over the course of a month. I attributed my pain and tiredness to the fact that my body was just at its limit and so very tired. We have had a lot of rain here in the last few months and all the pain I was in I thought was because of that rain affecting my arthritis and fibromyalgia. I had all kinds of self-diagnosed reasons why I was feeling bad and in pain. It ended up going to the doctor, he sent me to the ER. I had to have surgery to get my gallbladder out. It had been “leaking” into my system and part of it was actually dead!
So, you are wondering, what is the point of this blog post? Is she just showing all the woes she has had?
I want to tell you what happened in the hospital that night after surgery. I want you to see that, even though I knew that God has been there for me all of my life, I still felt alone and scared. I reached out in the dark of that night, to Him saying I needed Him. (I want to point out here, before I start this, that I had an amazing care team, except for about what I am going to tell you.) I was extremely weak, shaking, nauseous and in pain after surgery. During the night, I pushed my call button, because I needed help to get to the restroom. I had not seen an aid or anyone who came to check on me after surgery but a couple of times, when I had asked for pain meds, also, I was nauseous and wondered if I was getting the antibiotics I needed. Well, the aid came in. She did not have a smile on her face and made me feel that I was a nuisance to her. I had the blood clot “contraption” on my legs. So, I struggled to get those off by wiggling my legs out of them, while they were still on. Then, I tried to get my legs over the edge of the bed. The entire time the nurse aid was just standing there watching me. I tried to pull myself up, but was so weak and shaking, that I fell back. She asked me if I needed her to help me. Well, duh! (No, I didn’t really say that.) Then, later, now that I have a Dexcom for my blood sugars, it started going off because it was 300. I pushed the call button and told them it was high. After thirty minutes, she had not come. I was watching my Dexcom and my sugar was gradually going up. After an hour, I called her again and told her it was now 315. I could hear laughter in the background. She said, well, she would be there in a minute. I told her that she really needed to come address this or next time they came in I might be passed out! She came in after those “magic” words. The registered nurse came in after hearing about my blood sugar incident. Bless her heart! I am so grateful for her! She did not let any of the aids come in after that. The rest of the night, she was the only person who took care of me, except for a male nurse that came in a couple of times. As of 12:30 am, my nighttime meds had not been given to me by the aids, nor pain meds-nor anti-nausea meds nor antibiotics started. Two of those pills were for blood pressure. I was having high blood pressure and trouble getting my sugar down. She started the antibiotics, gave me anti-nausea meds and gave me some pain meds. So, she came in quite a bit to check on me, doing the job of the aids and her job as a nurse, as well. I knew that she was going to take care of me, so some of the fear and anxiety left. I felt safe and cared for.
I know what to do when I get fearful, alone and stressed. I have taught others what to do when they feel far from God. I knew there was a contemporary Christian music station on my tv. The first song was by Sanctus Reel called “Today, Tomorrow and Forever.” It talked about that we don’t have to understand, but just know that God is always there for us, no matter what. I started praying, thanking God for that promise. I started repeating Philippians 4:6-7, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” I kept repeating those verses. The song by Brandon Lake called “Hard Fought Halleluiah” came on. Reminding us to go to God in the good times and praise Him. But also, in those hard times we need to praise Him also. I heard a song by Tasha Layton called “Never.” It helped me remember that God never leaves us alone-never lets us down-never leaves us broken-never stops holding on to us. Then, a song that has so much meaning to my heart, “It is Well” (Make It Well) by Mercy Me. I started to cry. The nurse who had been caring for me, came in about then. She said “oh, no, honey, what is wrong.” I told her about the peace that the songs, my prayer and the Bible verses had brought me. She talked to me for a few minutes and I shared that God was reminding me that He was always there in the midst of dark-hard times- always. Making sure I was ok; she left to take care of all the other people who were needing help that night, who the aids were not taking care of and doing their jobs. My blood pressure and blood sugars had remained high no matter how much insulin the doctor ordered for her to give me or blood pressure meds she put into my IV. She gave me some more meds for both and left the room saying she would be back soon to check them again. While she was gone, I still had the music on my tv. I heard a song by Bay Turner called “Somebodies Praying.” It reminded me that people were praying for me. Maybe not right that moment in the wee hours of the morning, but I knew there were prayers going up to God for me. I heard a song by Chris Tomlin called “How Good It Is.” It talks about praising God for all the good He has done and how great His name is. The nurse came back in to check my vitals. My blood sugar was lower and my blood pressure was lower. She clapped and had the prettiest smile on her face. I told her, to remember when I had told her that God had me in His hands and works in our lives? She said yes, she remembered. Usually pain meds “knock me out.” But not this time. I heard the song by Stephen McWhirter called “Come Jesus Come.” I prayed to God if that was what my lot for that night was, I was ready to go to Him. But then the last song I heard before finally drifting into a much-needed sleep, was “Finished” by Caleb and John. It talks about that God was not finished with me yet. I remember smiling, feeling God given peace and letting the pain meds give me the rest I needed after surgery.
I know there are some who do not feel that we should listen to Christian music with instruments. I do not want to offend you at all. I do not want you to go against your beliefs. I respect how you feel about that. I am not telling you to listen to contemporary Christian music. That is a choice each one of us have to make. So, why in the world did I tell you this story? I shared this with you because I want you to realize that God is always active in our lives. He helps to calm our hearts. Brings us peace. He brings to our minds scripture and songs that help us search for His light in the middle of our darkest, scariest times. I have been a Christian for 60 years now. If you have read my new book, you will see that I have been through some really hard times in my life. But I have always been reminded through song-prayer-scripture that God never left me. He is always there. We just have to remember to reach out to Him. He will bring us much needed peace, even to an old lady like me, when we are in the middle of the darkness, scared, weak and helpless! His Light is always guiding us back to Him when we fall into the pit of darkness.
I will probably never see the amazing nurse again who was so caring to me. But I hope I planted some seeds in her heart, that she will search out for God and tell God that she needs Him. We can throw those seeds even in the hardest darkest times of our lives! I needed God that night and He reached out and helped me find the much-needed peace, I so desperately needed. He answered my plea, ‘God, I Need You.’
Till next time!
Keela
(By the way, I do not like confrontation. I try not to complain. But this time, I told the Patient Advocate, who came in the next day to see how my stay was, exactly what had happened. I told him the whole story about the aids and praised the nurse who spent so much time with me that early morning. He was very impressed with the nurse who took it upon herself to be the sole caregiver of me that night. He said the aids were paid way too much to not do their job to help the nurse to fulfill her job. I don’t want the aid to lose her job, but I do want to save another person from experiencing what I did. I had told the RN that I would tell the Patient Advocate what had happened and tell him how amazing she had been to be sure I was ok. She thanked me several times that I was going to step up and let him know. She said I had helped future patients who were not going to be treated with the care they needed. Sometimes, we need to step up, out of our comfort zones, to help another.)




