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NO RISK, NO STORY

When I turned 70 last year, I realized I had a lot more years behind me than I had ahead of me. I have had a book in my head for about the last twenty years, but had not been serious about writing and publishing it, until last year. So, I got busy and started the writing and publishing process.

I opened up my heart to the memories of the struggles-the pain-the shame-the anger-the stress-the depression-the grief-the loneliness-the sadness and so many other emotions I went through, during the ten years my husband was mentally and physically sick. During that time, I searched for help from books or from the internet, to help me with the depression my husband was going through and the emotions that were threatening to make me fall down, as his caregiver. But depression nor the life of  a caregiver, were not talked about back then nor written about. So, I told myself that one day I wanted to write a book about the deep feelings of depression and the effects on the caregiver.

I thought, when I finished my book, what are people going to think about me after they read this book? Should I really put myself out there?  But God “gave me the push” I needed. God gave me the courage to put myself out there, to help others who struggle with tough situations and painful emotions that threaten to pull them down into the darkness. There is a caregiver, out there, who has lost who they are in the middle of their everyday struggles like I did. They have become defined by the word-caregiver-and have lost themselves to become defined by the cared for person.

I realized if I did not take this risk, I might have lost part of my God given purpose, by going through those hard ten years. The purpose to tell, especially caregivers and those battling depression, that it is ok to have all those negative emotions and feelings. God created us with those emotions. But we can’t stay stuck in depression or in the negative emotions of a caregiver, because it will destroy who we are and who God created us to be, in service to Him. I show in my book, how God guided me-held me up-stayed by my side and how God showed me, through scripture, how to fight against those negative emotions that were in my torn-up heart, and even when I felt that negativity again threaten to pull me down into my husbands’ depression, from time to time.

I did not do everything right during those years. I did not act right in every new situation. But looking back, I feel I did the best I could, with what I knew and had at the time. I was blessed to have friends and family who lifted me up, stood in the gap for me, when I started to fall into the miry pit of darkness. My husband got help from therapists with medication, that helped him to control his depression, except he decided to not take it anymore because he was “so much better.” He never got back onto the medication, no matter what or how I tried, and he fell right back into his deep depression. I show in my book, that God showed me the way, through scripture, what to do to help me through the debilitating emotions that were thrown into my path.

There are so many who feel ashamed of the thoughts they have, as a caregiver or someone who is going through a hard time. I hope by the time you finish my book; you will realize that it is ok to have those negative emotions as a caregiver. It is normal. By the time you finish my book, I hope you will know how to release all those negative emotions with God’s help, through scripture, trusted friends and prayer. I hope you will realize it is ok to reach out to others, therapists and medication, for depression.

This scripture, has given me the strength to step out of my comfort zone and share with you my life trials during those ten years.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 reads, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves have been comforted by God.”

My book is called: DEEP-PRESS-ON, A CAREGIVER’S STORY. After the long process and many hours of publishing, the release date is April 14^th. It will be available then at: Trilogy Publishers, Barnes and Noble, Amazon and several other sources. The cost will be $15.99 plus tax, shipping and handling.

 I have a limited number of books; I can sell directly to my church family or those who I do not have to mail it. The cost will be $15 and I can sign it for you. I wish I could just give my books out free, (don’t tell my publisher I said that! 😊), because I want the help I offer, to help someone else through their roller coaster life. If after you have read my book, you know of someone that it can help, please share it with them. My prayer is that someone, after reading my book, will be lifted up to realize that they can truly make it through every day one step at a time, with God’s guidance and unconditional love.

I didn’t write my book for you to feel sorry for me. I didn’t write my book for you to judge how I handled the pressure of those years. I wrote this book, out of love and thru God’s guidance, to all the different types of caregivers there are out there and to those who have fallen into depression.

If there is no risk in telling our life story, there is no story out there to help others. God gives us His light to shine brightly to help show others comfort and the right path to follow. His light shows us the way! Seek His light!

To God be the glory in writing this book!

Till next time!   

                                                 Keela

STORMS

STORMS

When I was about 12, I was in Oklahoma visiting my Papa Judge. He and my Memaw lived in the country. Their grocery store was attached to their home, which was in the back. There were not many trees, nor any houses surrounding their home. I was in the kitchen and my Papa Judge said “hurry we need to get to the storm shelter.”  I looked at him, like he was crazy. The entire day had been sunny blue sky with hardly any clouds. He said look out that window. I will never forget what I saw. It was a deep grey tornado coming our way! It looked just like the tornado in Wizard of Oz. So, my family ran to the cellar. Thankfully, it did not do any damage or hurt anyone. But now, some 58 years later, I can still remember what that stormy tornado looked like and how fearful I was. I can assure you that when Papa Judge said get to the cellar after that, I didn’t look out the window, but went right to the cellar! I am sure each and everyone of you have a story about a scary storm you have seen and heard.

I have been through many storms of and in my life. Not only the physical storms, but also the storms of this world that have threatened to knock me down and overcome me. God told us in the Bible, that we will have trials in our lives. John 16: 33 reads “…in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Isn’t that a peaceful promise to those Christians long ago and to us today. When He says “…I have overcome the world,” it is a promise that God is with us when the world throws us into our darkest, most desperate moments. He is there in that storm with us offering comfort, security, direction and peace.

God promises us in Psalm the 23^rd chapter verse 4, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” In Isaiah 43:1-5, God says “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned…Fear not, for I am with you…” Did you notice all of the word through in those verses? Both of these verses don’t say God will get us out of the trial, but rather that He is there with us, helping to maneuver our way through the trial. Believers can find courage in God’s presence during life’s darkest moments, griefs or dangers. God is our Shepherd, protecting and guiding His people, turning our fear into trust and transforms desperate situations into peace, and reminds us to trust in His goodness. When we are in the valley, in the darkness, we can still find our God because He is light. 1 John 1:5 tells us “…God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.” We need to remember, even when we are in the hard valley of life, there is always something good we can find. Think of the physical valleys. That valley usually has the most beautiful foliage and that is where the streams and brooks; brighten those shadows. A place where the broken spirit can go and be refreshed.

As most of you know, I like the Hallmark channel. One of my favorite shows is “When Calls the Heart.” One thing the main character wrote in her journal touched my heart. Here is what she said. “I’ve been thinking about storms. How they roll in-tear thru-sometimes changing a whole landscape in a day. Trees are uprooted-lives upturned-dreams derailed. But disaster of course, also brings opportunity as well. What seems like irreputable damage, it makes room for more growth. And before you know it, things grow back even stronger than they were before. But somewhere in the landscape still carries the memory of the storm for all the upheaval must exact a tole, even on the best of us.” God doesn’t say that we won’t get scars from the storms we face. I know the storms I have weathered have left several scars on me. But they have made me who I am today, preparing me for the next storm in my future.

But I try to trust in God’s promises. I know that when trusting in those promises, in the middle of the storms, is the only way to practice our faith. How else would we have faith? (Read James 1:2-8) We have to go through those storms, in order to use our faith to trust in Him, knowing I can go one step at a time, learning from the storm and realizing that storm, was for my best future purpose and good. Philippians 4:4 and 6-7 reads, “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I will say, rejoice! …Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to God; and the peace that surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Christians will face storms, but we should rejoice in them because we know God uses them to improve our character. The storms we walk thru, are hard times that are only temporary. They are a passage rather than a final destination. The devil brings storms to intimidate us. Don’t make any decisions based on your thoughts or feelings. Look to God’s word and what you know is right.

Psalm 46:1 reads “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear.” God is right there in the storm with us. When your next storm comes, and it will, remember God is ever present in our lives. He is always there for us. We just need to remember to reach out to Him. Whatever the storm is, whether the storm blows us over or helps us stand firm-whether what happens is not the outcome you wanted; remember God is right there in that storm with you. We may have scars from the storm, but they are for our own good-for a better future for us.

Thank you, Lord for being there in the storms of this world with us! Praise God!

Till next time!

                                                Keela

ENOUGH FOR TODAY

 ENOUGH FOR TODAY

In the Old Testament we read about the Israelites complaining so many times! I want us to center our thoughts about when the Israelites were wandering in the wilderness. After leaving Egypt, about 75 days into their journey, they started complaining about what God was feeding them. Read Exodus chapter 16 and Numbers chapter 11. God had sent them heavenly food-manna. Numbers 11:8 reads “…its taste was like the taste of pastry prepared with oil.” Exodus 16:14 reads “…a small round substance, as fine as frost on the ground.” Numbers 11:8 reads “…its taste was like the taste of pastry prepared with oil.” They could fry it, boil it or make it into cakes. God even made it tasty! The Israelites got tired of the same thing every day, and started to complain. They wanted a variety of different foods like they had in Egypt in captivity. God gave them directions for each morning to only gather just enough for each person in their family, for each day “…according to each one’s need.” (Exodus 16:16) It was fresh every morning. They shouldn’t have any leftovers. If they had any leftovers, it stank and worms were in it. They had not taken just enough for their day, like God had told them to.

I started thinking about the many times I have complained about something happening in my life. I have had pneumonia. I have certainly complained about how I have felt! The doctor gave me two cortisone shots, a penicillin shot and oral antibiotics. I have complained about the pain in my back and the burning in my chest. But if I think about it, that pain, what I was complaining about, is partly how the doctor knew I had pneumonia.

 Isn’t that also true when our lives are not going how we think they should go, and we start complaining. I sure have done my fair share of complaining through the years. If I could just keep my faith-my trust-my hope in God! I need to remember that He is right by my side helping me through each and every day. When we lost our home to foreclosure, I complained and tearfully pleaded with God that we would not lose our home. But my complaining and pleading did not change what happened. I have realized, looking back, that was not the best for or what I needed in my future. I should have stopped complaining and remembered that God has always taken care of me in the middle of all my storms in this life!

I have complained to God about some of the care I provided for my dad, who was living in my home. I have realized that complaining did not ever do anything to help a situation. It usually just caused me to be angry and full of the question why. I have tried to rest in the fact that, even though some days were extremely tough, God was helping me to make it through each day with what I needed. He provided the support for each particular day and each need. God was taking care of me, even when I wondered where God was in a situation.

The Bible has many references to the fact that we are not to complain. When we complain, it is actually about something that we are facing in the present. What if we, instead of complaining, we just remember that God has always been faithful to take care of what we have needed in the past, just like He did with the Israelites. God had just gotten them out of Egyptian captivity and here they were complaining the wanted something different on God’s menu! We need to rest in whatever we are complaining about and realize that God has a plan for our future. He may be working for our good in the middle of what we are complaining about. We need to realize God will take care of each days’ needs and whatever our future holds.

Hebrews 13:5 reads, “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 

1 Peter 4:9 reads, “Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.”

Philippians 2:14 reads “Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world…”

Jude verses 15-16 reads, “…ungodly sinners have spoken against Him. These are grumblers, complainers, walking according to their own lusts; and they mouth great swelling words, flattering people to gain advantage.” Is grumbling a sin? What do you think? God tells us to not complain.

Usually what we are complaining about, has caused us time out of our day and some type of sacrifice on our parts. We complain about what we have taken on ourselves or something that has happened because of our own actions. Give the things that cause you to want to complain, to God. Complaining doesn’t fix anything anyway. It actually causes other negative emotions and thoughts.

I had a brother-in-law, who always was complaining about something. I got to the point that I did not really want to be around him. Do I want people to feel that way about me? I am going to try to be better about not complaining so much. (I know those of you who have listened to my complaining are so happy to hear that!)  We can talk to God about anything, even those things that we feel we need to complain about.

The Israelites did not realize that they had all they needed for each day, with the manna God had given them. God gives us each day all we need for whatever happens in that day. If something happens in a day that causes us to want to complain, realize that God took care of our needs in the past. He takes care of you each day. He takes care of you for your future!

Don’t bring on trouble for yourself by complaining about something in your day. Gods got this! Gods got you! He gives you enough of what you need each and every day!

Till next time!

                                           Keela

NOT ENOUGH

NOT ENOUGH

She said to me that she was not enough to be accepted by God. She felt she had made so many bad decisions and sinned so many times; how could she be enough for God to forgive her. It made me start thinking, are any of us enough? Look at these verses that show us that we, in ourselves, we are not enough. Even when we have sinned, through us reaching out to God for forgiveness, we become enough. We may not be enough to the perception of others in this world, but we are enough through and to God with His grace. Romans 3:23-25 reads, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed.” It is through Christ’s blood that we become enough. Ephesians 2:10 reads, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Some versions use the word masterpiece for workmanship. We are God’s handiwork. Genesis 1:27 reads, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God, He created him; male and female He created them.”

We become tangible evidence of His immense grace, mercy and transformative power. We show who we are through Christ, reflecting His goodness and are an active part of showing others His service to others, through us. We are a spiritual likeness, not physical resemblance, as God has no form. But, through our righteousness in our actions, we show others the image, the light of God.

The dictionary meaning of enough is: adequate, decent, sufficient of a quantity that can fulfill a need or requirement, acknowledging inherent worth beyond performance or comparison, recognizing you don’t need to prove yourself, and accepting your flaws while still allowing for growth. So, how does one feel when they don’t feel like they are enough: low self-esteem, looking at past experiences rather than actual ability, worthless, depressed, inadequate, shameful, anxious, self-critical, need something of the world to help them to feel better like addiction, exhausted, deep sadness, hopeless, try to constantly be like others by trying to please others, fearful of being judged.

Let’s look at a couple of men who did not feel enough to do what God asks them to do.

In Exodus chapters 3 and 4, we find Moses, when God was talking to him, thru the burning bush to rescue the Israelites from their Egyptian bondage. Moses felt like he was not enough.  He asks God “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh…” Then he asks God “…suppose they will not believe me or listen to my voice…” Also, Moses says “…I am not eloquent…I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” He wants someone else to go in his place. God ends up getting angry (the ultimate time to be scared!) and He told Moses, he was sending his brother, Aaron, to go with him, to be the spokesperson to the Israelites and to Pharaoh.

In Judges 6, we find a man named Gideon. God was sending him to “…save Israel from the hand of the Midianites…” He felt he was not enough, not worthy, for this job because he was in the weakest clan, and the weakest of that clan. Gideon was doubtful that this was really God talking to him and asks for two different signs so he can for sure know it was God. This was a stalling practice. (Just a side note I noticed, God was extremely patient with Gideon compared to Moses.) If you have never read about Gideon, read chapters 6-8 of Judges.  Even though Gideon, (renamed Jerubbaal) showed his lack of faith, God still used him for God’s purpose. Read about how Gideons’ army was chosen. Started with about 30,000 and after the tests, was only an army of 300! The Midianite army was about 120,000-135,000. Yikes!!

Moses and Gideon, both looked at the visual, what they could see. Not remembering the power of the Almighty. They focused on what they saw as their inadequacies, rather than believing they could fulfil the mission God was going to send them on. They focused on who they thought they were or were not. They felt they were not enough for the task God was going to send them on. Instead of looking inside themselves and who they perceived they were, they should have looked upward to God and who He knew that they actually were.

So, if you are feeling like you are not enough, then get your Bible out and look at some scriptures that tell you who you are through God’s eyes. Look up these verses: Psalm 139:14 “…fearfully and wonderfully made…” Ephesians 2:10 “…His workmanship…” Matthew 10:31 “…more valuable than sparrows…” Isaiah 43:4 “…precious in My eyes…” Romans 5;8 “…Christ died for us while we were sinners…” 1Peter 2:9 “…you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people…” Matthew 6:26 “Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” John 15:14-15 “You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends…” 1John 3:16 “By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us…” There are so many other scriptures that let us know we are important, we are enough, in God’s eyes.

 Don’t live down to what the world might say about you. Don’t believe your worth depends on meeting the world’s standards or its approval. Rather look up to what God says about you! Set your sights beyond this world and instead, embrace eternity, knowing you are enough in God’s eyes.

In a world full of endless mixed messages, it is easy to get lost in the fog and become deceived by half-truths. Turn to God’s Word, the Bible, to the one and only God, and see what He says about you. The world full of the Devils lies, tells you, you are not enough! But God will be the only One who tells you the truth that, you are enough.

Till next time!                                  Keela

(Many of you have asked about my book, “Deep-Press-On, A Caregiver’s Story.” My publisher says it is in the last stages, the distribution stage. They are predicting it will be ready in April. It will be an overwhelming, emotional day when I can finally hold it in my hands!)

THE END OR THE BEGINNNING

THE END OR THE BEGINNING?

“Does Christmas (New Year), come at the end of the year or does it just provide its timing for it. Is it the moment we close the door on all that is past in the months that have proceeded it. Or is it the time that we open our eyes and say, come we are ready. We will embrace it all…” (taken from Call the Midwife)

There are so many things in my past that I wish I could go back and change. So many wrong words that slipped out of my mouth without thought as to what reaction those words would have on another. One of the times I have held onto the past was when, all my family were together for Christmas several years ago. I had been having trouble with my blood pressure-too low-and I messed that Christmas up with my words and actions for everyone. (I know it was not all about the blood pressure, but that did not help.) I was trying to bring my mother’s traditions and my traditions together and things just were not working out. Why did I try to make that time so perfect? Why was I trying to make it just like the past Christmas’s when my mother was alive? I was trying to hold onto the past, as tight as I could, with the fun my mother did for Christmas. Was I afraid I was going to lose that connection with my mother? I was holding tight to that past which caused chaos.  How does a person come back from that? How does a person forgive themselves for that? Forgiveness is not what this blog is about, but this blog is about putting things behind us and moving on. It is true that we have to ask for forgiveness from God, from those involved and learn from the wrong that was done or said. Then, leave it behind. Give it to God and let go! If we hold onto the past and don’t leave it behind, it will smother all the good out of our future, because we are holding onto the past and dragging it into our future. We are looking back and not forward. When we do that, we will fall. We will get exhausted. Our past mistakes are meant to guide us into our future, not become the definition of that past year or of you.

When we sing “Auld Lang Syne” (meaning “for old times’ sake”) at the end of the year, are we putting that last year where it should be-in the past-old times. Or do we bring it into the new year, which should be full of promise and hope of better times. My daughter and family, when they lived here, would always come over to celebrate-eat and play games on New Year’s Eve. I remember telling my daughter, the New Year’s Eve after my husband passed away, that I felt like I was leaving him back there in that past year. How could I go forward? Who was I without him? What was I going to do and how was I going to live without him? Is there some way I could “pull” that past year forward? Hold onto the things and him who I was leaving behind. Have you ever felt that way? You want to hold onto someone or something and not move forward with your life. You don’t have to have it all figured out before you let go and move forward! Just take the next step! Just step forward, with God guiding you.

We can’t relive, change or hold onto the past, where those we love use to be. Can’t relive those wrong actions or words that were done or said and do them differently. It is hard to let them go. But we have to! Time marches on whether we are ready or not to follow into the unknown. Do we need to let ALL those memories go? I firmly say no! Instead, we need to bring them into our unknown future learning from those good and bad memories. We need to be strengthened with God given peace, that we made it-we learned from it-we can go forward with God in charge. We need to be reminded and rest assured that God helped us through those tough times and He will help us move forward. He is always there for us and “we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) This verse promises that, for believers, God works every wrong-every suffering-every trial-every challenge and, yes, every good and bad, together to bring about a good outcome for His purposes and the best for us. This works into His larger plan for those who love Him and follow His law and calling, pushing and moving us into our promising future. Do you have that kind of trust and faith into God almighty?

Isaiah 43:18-19 reads, “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old.” Verse 25 reads, “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins. Behold, I will do a new thing…” Isn’t that an amazing thought that God blots out those things that we have done or held onto. In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul says, “…forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead., I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” This was a man who had pulled Christians, men and women, out of their homes sending them to prison and was active in murdering Christians. (Acts 7:58, 8:3, 9:1-2) Paul, after the transformation he made from a murderer to a new life in God, he could have easily gotten stuck into thoughts of his terrible past. This would have made him stagnate and unable to perform his purpose for God in his future. Paul shows us that we can escape the negative things in our past and move forward into our future for and with trust in God.

When we hold onto the past, we are choking out the present future ahead. Maybe, it is not about holding on to the past. Maybe, instead, it is about focusing on what we are grateful for in that past year. What did we do right! It might have been a trial or hardship, but what happened that was good in the middle of it? What did I do right. What was a blessing in the middle of it.

C.S. Lewis said “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”

As we go into this new year, let’s use the things of the past year that we are not proud of, to propel us into a better future. We can be better, remember the good things and learn from that past year and hold onto promises of a life in service to God, in your future.

Are you looking at this new year as the end of who you are, not able to see a future you? Are you holding onto the chains of the past that are pulling you back and not forward? Are you like, the other day when the wind was blowing so hard, it was trying to push me back to where I had been, no matter how hard I was trying to push forward. Or are you looking at this new year as the beginning of better things; putting your hope, trust and faith into the promises that God still has for you in your future.

Is this new year, the end or just the beginning for you?

Till next time!

                                               Keela