Month: June 2025

DEEP IN THE MUDDY MIRE WITH THANKSGIVING

DEEP IN THE MUDDY MIRE WITH THANKSGIVING

Psalm 39:1 “I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry, He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps.”

Our preacher at church has been talking about prayer in our Wednesday night service. This week, it was about praying with thanksgiving. He opened up to the members to tell when and what they pray, in thanksgiving. This could help the other members to have ideas how they could pray in thanksgiving. I didn’t speak up, because I was not feeling my best and was afraid, I could not get the right words out. I was thinking about when I get in the shower in the morning and I thank God for the hot water. Every night on my way to bed, for fifteen years, I have looked out through my blinds in my living room. I thank God for helping me to find this home and this neighborhood, after my husband died.

But I also thought of another time, years ago, when my life was so hard, tiring and stressful. When my husband was sick with depression. I was so often, deep in the muddy mire of life. On this particular day, I had taken my husband to the emergency room at 4 am, because he once again was having trouble breathing, because of congestive heart disease. This had become a couple times per month event. He told me to go ahead and get ready for work. Then, I could leave from the hospital to my twelve-hour day. At the hospital, I made sure he was ok and headed to a room. I left towards my first job. After working both jobs, I went home to get a few things for him because he was staying in the hospital for a couple of days. Also, our dog had been home all day and she liked to take car rides. It was already dark and cool outside, so I knew she would be ok in the car while I checked on my husband in the hospital. After I left the hospital, I had to go to Walmart for a couple of things. I remember trying to walk to the car when I left there and I could barely drag my feet to the car. The darkness of the day and night, weighed on me like a wet blanket. There was our dog, Roadie, looking at me through the window, looking like she was giving me encouragement to make it. ‘Come on, Nana, you can make it!’

I got in the car to head home. Started the car and backed up. That is when I felt and heard it. Plunk-plunk-plunk. I had a flat tire. I pulled back into the parking lot under a light and reached for my phone to call my son to help me. Well, guess what! In all the hurry that morning, I had forgotten to get it. It was still plugged in at home. I sighed a big sigh of defeat. I saw a young couple with a baby loading their car and I asked them if I could use their phone. I thought they looked safe for me to ask. Guess I looked safe too, and they said yes. Now this was before the newer phones that have all the phone numbers in them and you just have to push the number. Thankfully, I knew what my son’s phone number was. He said he would be there in a little bit.

I got Roadie out of the car on her leash. She laid down and I leaned up against the car, in total defeated exhaustion. Here was another expense I did not have the money for! With tears running down my face, I started to pray. With my eyes closed, I looked up to the dark sky. Then I opened my eyes. I will never forget what I saw. Even under the Walmart huge parking lot light, there was the most beautiful, huge array of life-giving stars! I felt immediate peace.

Did God just zap those stars up in the sky for me at that moment? No. They had always been there. I had been looking down at what was happening to me in this world of pain and sorrow. But when I reached out to Him and looked up, searching for Him, He let me see that beautiful array of His beauty and promises. I started praying and thanking God.

My son came and changed the tire for me and told me that I needed to get a new tire soon because that spare tire was not in good shape. Well, I looked up, needing those God-given stars once again. Fresh tears were running down my cheeks. I did not have the money for a new tire. But I knew somehow, God was going to help me; just like He had so many times in the past. The light from those beautiful stars made me remember God is my light and help. Psalm 46:1-2a reads “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear…” I was sure glad to fall into bed that night. Roadie knew I needed her special kind of love and she decided to sleep with me.

The next morning, I got up and went to my first job and then to my second. I was a receptionist at my second job. I was waiting on a client and then I looked up. Standing there was a dear friend of mine. She didn’t have a dog so I thought something was wrong. But I was wrong. She said to go get my keys for my car. She and hubby were getting me a new tire and a new spare tire. I just looked at her with my mouth open. I never did find out how she knew what had happened the night before and the fact, I didn’t have the money for a new tire, more less a spare tire also! But I cried fresh tears, praying thank you God. I went and got my keys.

So, you are thinking, why did she tell us that story? Well, I was definitely deep in the muddy mire of this life, like so many times during those ten years. But by my looking up that night and putting my focus back onto God, away from all the exhaustion and stress of this earth, God helped me to remember He was there with me. Then, I started thinking about my blessings from that day. I was thankful God had helped me that morning, to get my husband to the hospital and all would be well. I was thankful God was helping me to not have a blowout on a busy highway I had to travel to get between jobs. I was thankful God helped me to take one dragging step at a time to get me back to my car at the store. I was thankful to God, that He had given me a son who lived in the area I lived in and could come help me. I was thankful to God for that beautiful array of stars that helped me to remember His goodness. I was thankful to God, that He had given me special Christian friends who could help me get a new tire and new spare tire. I was thankful to God that my husband could be released that next day. And I was also thankful to God that we had a very special dog who always seemed to know when I needed her comfort and love. I was thankful to God for always being there for me.

Philippians 4:6-7 reads “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

We all go through so many types of heartaches on this earth. But I hope by telling you, my story; that the next time you are faced with what seems, an insurmountable trial, or even in the small aggravations of our days; you will remember that God is always there for you, like He was with me. We just have to reach out to Him in prayer and He can bring us much needed healing.

When we are deep in the muddy mire of this life, we need to remember to be thankful to the only One who can truly help us dig ourselves out of that mire.

Till next time!

                                                        Keela

DEEP-PRESS-ON

A CAREGIVERS’ STORY-BLOG

When my husband came back, it was like a light switch was turned off. He was such a light to everyone. The life of the party, preacher, elder, boy scout leader, mailman. Now, that light had been turned off. He was now in darkness!

He had been sick. We had been to Mayo Clinic. They found out what was wrong and prescribed medicine, but he was not doing well. So, we knew it was time to apply for disability-retirement from his job. It took them seven months to approve it. We had no money coming in from his job, while they processed his application. I was working two, sometimes three jobs to help us barely get by. Our church family helped us, as did other friends. We finally got the approval. He got in his little pick-up truck and left. I have no idea where he went. But when he came back, he was a totally different person. From light to darkness!

This started our journey, my caregiver story, of his depression; a ten-year disease of his mind. I said our journey, because as a wife, we all know that when our spouse changes, or has a health issue, life as we know it is never the same again. In the place of positivity, negativity raises its ugly head.

I am working on a new book. My hope is to get it published by the end of the year. Why have I divided Deep-Press-On in this way? Because when a person is depressed, he or she feels the pressure of the disease, deeply-pressing-on their hearts and also those around them.

At the start of my husband’s depression in 1999, I looked for help from books and other resources. At that time, there were not many and none from the caregiver’s angle. I knew that one day I wanted to write a book to help other caregivers put one foot in front of the other. Help them to not let themselves get swallowed up in the negativity, the shame of their feelings and depression surrounding them. To not let their definition of themselves become the same as the cared for person. I did not want my husband’s definition of himself, become how I defined myself. I want to share how I struggled and where I turned for help. I want caregivers to know it is ok to be angry, bitter, impatient, guilty and all the other negative emotions a caregiver experiences. But we cannot stay in those negative emotions, without hurting ourselves and others. We had a young daughter at the time. Most of those years, she was a teenager. She did not always have her dad to go to her sports events, school functions, to laugh with, or have a father who was available to her. Because of her, I knew I had to do something to not be swallowed whole by his depression and his negativity.

In my new book, I will show you how I worked on those negative emotions; even though it was truly one of the hardest things I have ever done. I want to show how I found hope thru God. I want to show how I found peace thru God. I show scriptures, that helped me to wade through the dirty puddles that I kept falling into.

The verse that has given me strength to tell my story, is 2Corinthians 1:3-4 which reads. “Blessed be the God and Father, of our Lord, Jesus Christ. The Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves have been comforted by God.” I feel if we have faced the trials of this life, we are to share our story so we can help others. I feel I need to put myself out there by opening up my old wounds and share the journey I have been on, to help others navigate and cleanse their own wounds. We need to share so those hurts can be healed and they can know they are not alone.

There are many types of caregivers: of a parent or grandparent (I currently have my 91-year-old dad living with me)-of a disabled child-of a spouse-as one who is paid and comes into homes-as a nurse either in a hospital or who comes into the cared one’s home. I could go on and on. No matter what season of life you are in, either you will currently or in the future, care for someone or be cared for yourself. So, this book will apply to everyone at one time or another.

As part of my research, if you are struggling with being a caregiver of a family member who has the disease of depression or another type of caregiver who struggles, please email me at: keelight@sbcglobal.net and share with me your current story or one from the past. I will never include your name, but your story could help another to maneuver through their darkness. No judgments will be made on my part. This will just be used as part of the healing process of another or to enlighten others with the struggles that go with the hard job of being a caregiver.

If you know someone who is a caregiver, pray for them-give them some of your time-give them encouragement-take or bring them lunch-send a card or text-don’t be judgmental thinking you could maneuver better than they are-give them a hug or a simple smile.

I will try to post when this monumental task of publishing a book, is finished. I currently have an appointment in July to talk to a Christian publisher to see if they are interested to publish my manuscript. I ask you till then; to please pray for me that God will give me the words to explain, what I went through, with the hopes and goals of helping another caregiver.

Caregiver-such a hard, complicated and sometimes thankless job! But also, rewarding knowing you are making a difference in another’s life. You will have no regrets when you care for another!

Till next time!

                                                                           Keela