DEEP-PRESS-ON
The deep abyss of my husband’s depression threatened to pull me under into the darkness. This happened many times during the two year, 24-7, period of time that my husband struggled with depression. He had to retire on disability, from his job as a mailman of 27 years because of health issues. He felt like a failure that he could not provide for his family nor be the kind of husband and dad that he wanted to be. He let these overwhelming feelings encompass most of the rest of his life. Two years of that period of time he was in a deep depression.
You are wondering why I dissected the word depression in the way I did with the title. When a person is in a depression, they feel DEEP, right into the very core of their body and mind. Those feelings live so deep that they feel there is no way out of that darkness. Their focus centers on how those negative feelings have become their normal way of life.
You feel that the activities and people of the world are PRESSing so hard on your chest that you cannot hardly breath. You feel the world and activities of the world are pressing so hard that you can feel that pressure all the way to your backbone.
Your attempt to pull yourself out of that dark abyss, do not work and your feelings of depression keep going ON and on and on, taking over your life. Depression defines you. It becomes your life, your focus.
My husband, during especially the two-year period of time, slept most of the time. He did not take a shower or trim his beard or hair for days on end. Any time I tried to talk to him, he would turn whatever I said as a negative and feel he was the reason for whatever we were talking about. So, he would just go back to bed feeling defeated once again.
Turning to medication and therapy was not what he wanted to do. He “fought” me a long time and finally gave in to going to a therapist to help him to sort out what was going on in his mind, chemically and physically. The doctor tried several different types of meds to help. Finally, we found a combination of some medication that seemed to help him feel better and he was able to get out and go to activities our daughter was involved in. One day, I came home from working my twelve-hour day and I could tell something had happened that day that he was excited to tell me about. He said he was feeling so much better. So, he decided to quit taking all of his medication the therapist had prescribed! I probably stood there with my mouth wide open, but I was careful and did not say anything. It took us literally months and months to find the right combination of meds and he just decided to not take them anymore! Time went by and he started falling into that abyss again. I talked to him and he would not agree to go back to the therapist, nor take any of his meds to help him with his depression. When he made up his mind, there was nothing I could say or do to change it. Frustration, bitterness and anger became my friends! (My next blog, I will share with you how I got myself out of those feelings. I was not going to let his depression define me!) His focus, his life was consumed with those feelings of DEEP-PRESS-ON!
There are many reasons a person can fall into this abyss of darkness. One of them is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Others are, life happenings like: health issues-financial burdens-feelings of inadequacy-feelings the world so easily can give women especially, that you are not good enough, pretty enough-you feel all alone, seems that no one cares. You get up day after day and do the same thing over and over again-get up, go to work, feed the kids and get them to bed, then get up the next morning and do it all over again. All those pressures are pushing you deep down.
A lady was talking to me one day, about her depression. I told her about my husband’s. I told her how it threatened to encompass me as well. She was surprised to hear that there were important men of the Bible who struggled with depression. Paul of the New Testament, Jeremiah of the Old Testament and also Elijah in I Kings 18-19. Because of lack of time and space, I want to talk a few minutes about Elijah and what God showed him and told him to do. (I talk about Paul and Jeremiah in my newly published ladies Bible class book: “God’s Beauty Plan.” Available at: Amazon, Barnes and Noble or Rosedog Books.)
Elijah was a great prophet of God. He was told, by God, to gather together all the prophets of the gods Baal & Asherah-a total of 850 men. He told these men to create an altar to their gods but put no fire underneath. He would also do the same with his altar to “his” God. 1 Kings 18:24 reads “then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the Lord and the god who answers with fire, He is God!” The prophets called on their god, Baal. Verses 26 & 29, say there was no voice, no answer, no one or thing paid any attention. Elijah poured water all over his altar and even made a trench that was full of water. Long story short, God sent fire from heaven-with so much power that it burned up the wood, stone, dust and all the water in the trench! Would you be on a great “high” after your God did all of this? Would you feel strong-joyful-able to “conquer” the world?
Jezebel, king Ahab’s wife, did not believe in the one true God and she plotted to find and kill Elijah. Even after this huge demonstration of the one true God, he felt defeated, tired and all alone. Elijah ran for his life! In 1 Kings 19:4 we read, “but he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die and said ‘it is enough! Now Lord take my life, for I am no better than my fathers’.” Even afterGod showed his power, Elijah listened to the power of negativity of Ahab’s wife. Have you ever noticed that we can be congratulated, made to feel important, loved-and then one person says something negative and that is what we focus on! We become overwhelmed with the idea that we are defeated-alone-frightened-like we want to run away from life-we lose our self-confidence!
Read 1 Kings 19. I think it is important to point out here that God never condemned Elijah for his depression, but God takes care of his physical needs as well as his spiritual needs. God sends an angel. The angel tells him to eat and drink and rest. The angel told him to travel to mount Horeb. God told him it was time for action. For him to actually get up and go. This lasted for forty days and nights. For forty days and nights Elijah ate, drank, exercised and slept on the way to Horeb. When he got there, he went into a cave. God talked to him there. Elijah told God what had happened and that he was all alone, the children of Israel had all turned their backs on Him. He felt there was no one left who would serve the Lord. Up to this point, God has taken care of his physical needs and now God is going to take care of his spiritual needs. Verses 11-14 are some of my favorite verses of the Bible. God tells Elijah to go out on the top of the mountain. God sends a strong wind that breaks rocks it is so strong. God sends an earthquake and then, He sends fire. But the Lord was not in any of those powerful earthly happenings that can so easily destroy peoples lives! Rather Elijah heard God in a Still Small Voice. In the quietness, Elijah heard God. Our lives are so consumed by the activities of our day. We are so busy! Even though God is always by our side during the busyness of our days, it is not until we stop-meditate-pray-read the Bible-read a devotional book or just sit and think; that we can truly find our Savior! Although the wind, the earthquake and the fire, showed the power of God; Elijah learned that God is not only in the huge parts or happenings of his life, but he could truly find God in the quietness. In the small things we do every day to help someone or show God’s love in simple acts of kindness. Elijah had seen a huge demonstration, with God burning up his altar and the water surrounding it, but God was trying to tell him to stop, listen and realize that he was not really all alone. God is with us in the “large” happenings in this life. God is with us also in our “small” everyday happenings as well. When Elijah stopped, ate, drank, rested, exercised and truly listened to God; he realized that God was there right by his side. God told him there were still seven thousand of Israel who were following His commands. God told him to get up and go. Get back to serving Him. Elijah still had important work to do!
It is ok to be depressed. Things in this life happen and, in our humanness, we get down trodden. We feel alone, just like Elijah did. Being depressed, does not mean we are a bad Christian, we are a sinner, we have lost our faith, we have a spiritual problem or we are not heard by God. We need to admit to ourselves that we are depressed. If need be, we need to reach out to Christian professional who can help us with medication and through therapy. We need to immerse our minds with God’s word. Read the Psalms. Find a set of verses that bring you peace so that when the dark times come, you can turn to those scriptures and hear God’s still-small-voice giving you peace and something and someone to hold on to. Talk to a friend who you know will keep your words in their hearts. Take a walk in God’s beautiful nature-listen to the birds-feel the breeze-just breath. Eat foods that will give you energy and keep your head clear. Drink water to keep yourself hydrated. We should not be lamenting about what we might have lost in this world, but rather celebrating what we have found along our journey here on this earth! Stop immersing yourself in the negative. Don’t keep listening to the negativity by watching tv, reading the internet, hearing others saying hurtful things. Immerse yourself in God’s healing power through the scriptures and the help that He has given to us thru professionals.
I could keep going, but I will stop here. My next book I publish will be about depression and being a care giver of a depressed person. When you start feeling that DEEP sadness PRESSing on you threatening to suffocate you, and it keeps going ON and on and on; I hope you will remember how God helped Elijah through his depression. I hope you will remember that it is not wrong to be depressed but it IS wrong to keep circling and letting yourself fall into the abyss of depression without seeking help!
Of course, I do not have all the answers. Every person who is depressed, has their own set of reasons for feeling that way. Every person needs different things to help them come out of that dark abyss.
So, what have I learned from Elijah? When I start feeling the pressures of this life that tend to bring me down; I will remember how God helped him. Eat, Drink, Rest, Meditate on God and Get Up and Go into the future that God has for us! We are NOT alone!
Till next time! Keela