DEEP-PRESS-ON
A CAREGIVERS’ STORY-BLOG
When my husband came back, it was like a light switch was turned off. He was such a light to everyone. The life of the party, preacher, elder, boy scout leader, mailman. Now, that light had been turned off. He was now in darkness!
He had been sick. We had been to Mayo Clinic. They found out what was wrong and prescribed medicine, but he was not doing well. So, we knew it was time to apply for disability-retirement from his job. It took them seven months to approve it. We had no money coming in from his job, while they processed his application. I was working two, sometimes three jobs to help us barely get by. Our church family helped us, as did other friends. We finally got the approval. He got in his little pick-up truck and left. I have no idea where he went. But when he came back, he was a totally different person. From light to darkness!
This started our journey, my caregiver story, of his depression; a ten-year disease of his mind. I said our journey, because as a wife, we all know that when our spouse changes, or has a health issue, life as we know it is never the same again. In the place of positivity, negativity raises its ugly head.
I am working on a new book. My hope is to get it published by the end of the year. Why have I divided Deep-Press-On in this way? Because when a person is depressed, he or she feels the pressure of the disease, deeply-pressing-on their hearts and also those around them.
At the start of my husband’s depression in 1999, I looked for help from books and other resources. At that time, there were not many and none from the caregiver’s angle. I knew that one day I wanted to write a book to help other caregivers put one foot in front of the other. Help them to not let themselves get swallowed up in the negativity, the shame of their feelings and depression surrounding them. To not let their definition of themselves become the same as the cared for person. I did not want my husband’s definition of himself, become how I defined myself. I want to share how I struggled and where I turned for help. I want caregivers to know it is ok to be angry, bitter, impatient, guilty and all the other negative emotions a caregiver experiences. But we cannot stay in those negative emotions, without hurting ourselves and others. We had a young daughter at the time. Most of those years, she was a teenager. She did not always have her dad to go to her sports events, school functions, to laugh with, or have a father who was available to her. Because of her, I knew I had to do something to not be swallowed whole by his depression and his negativity.
In my new book, I will show you how I worked on those negative emotions; even though it was truly one of the hardest things I have ever done. I want to show how I found hope thru God. I want to show how I found peace thru God. I show scriptures, that helped me to wade through the dirty puddles that I kept falling into.
The verse that has given me strength to tell my story, is 2Corinthians 1:3-4 which reads. “Blessed be the God and Father, of our Lord, Jesus Christ. The Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves have been comforted by God.” I feel if we have faced the trials of this life, we are to share our story so we can help others. I feel I need to put myself out there by opening up my old wounds and share the journey I have been on, to help others navigate and cleanse their own wounds. We need to share so those hurts can be healed and they can know they are not alone.
There are many types of caregivers: of a parent or grandparent (I currently have my 91-year-old dad living with me)-of a disabled child-of a spouse-as one who is paid and comes into homes-as a nurse either in a hospital or who comes into the cared one’s home. I could go on and on. No matter what season of life you are in, either you will currently or in the future, care for someone or be cared for yourself. So, this book will apply to everyone at one time or another.
As part of my research, if you are struggling with being a caregiver of a family member who has the disease of depression or another type of caregiver who struggles, please email me at: keelight@sbcglobal.net and share with me your current story or one from the past. I will never include your name, but your story could help another to maneuver through their darkness. No judgments will be made on my part. This will just be used as part of the healing process of another or to enlighten others with the struggles that go with the hard job of being a caregiver.
If you know someone who is a caregiver, pray for them-give them some of your time-give them encouragement-take or bring them lunch-send a card or text-don’t be judgmental thinking you could maneuver better than they are-give them a hug or a simple smile.
I will try to post when this monumental task of publishing a book, is finished. I currently have an appointment in July to talk to a Christian publisher to see if they are interested to publish my manuscript. I ask you till then; to please pray for me that God will give me the words to explain, what I went through, with the hopes and goals of helping another caregiver.
Caregiver-such a hard, complicated and sometimes thankless job! But also, rewarding knowing you are making a difference in another’s life. You will have no regrets when you care for another!
Till next time!
Keela