FINAL WORDS
On the 26th of October of every year, for the last 14 years, I have memories of one of the hardest days of my life. It was a life changing day. It was the day my husband passed away during surgery. He had suffered from many illnesses, mentally and physically, including depression. Also, congestive heart failure, which put him in the hospital every other week. He went in for a surgery to replace his aortic valve. The surgeon felt like if he could replace that valve, it would help his battle of congestive heart failure. The surgery would “blow”, as the surgeon said, his kidneys and he would have been on dialysis for the rest of his life. My kids and I felt he needed to make that decision of whether he wanted to take that risk. He decided he did. I was working twelve-hour days, so I had made arrangements with a dear friend from church to take him for that dialysis.
He went in for surgery on a Friday. The surgeon came in and took one look at him and said he could not do the surgery on that day. He wanted to keep him over the weekend and try to drain fluid off before going into surgery on Monday. I am so thankful for those couple of days! He acted and felt more like himself than he had in a long time. My kids and grandkids were there most of those days. He was laughing, making jokes and being onery, just like he had before he had gone into his depression. He went into surgery on Monday in better health, mentally and physically, than he had for many years. During his long, long surgery, there were about 15-20 people there with us. Some, stayed the entire time and even went to get lunch for all of us. Time kept ticking away. Finally, that evening, me and my kids were called back. My parents went with us. The surgeon said the valve was working perfectly, but they kept draining and draining but that fluid kept coming. He asked me if I wanted them to continue that procedure. Of course, I said yes. I remember coming back to the waiting room and feeling like I was going to be sick. A friend, went and got a cold towel to help. Finally, after another hour or so, they called us back. His body could not take it anymore. He had died. That possibility had never even entered my mind that he would die!
It is funny the things that our mind gives us as memories. As they had been wheeling him into surgery, with his funny little surgery cap on his bald head, my final words to him were, “See ya on the other side.” I had meant on the other side of surgery. Little did I know it was going to mean, one day when I go to meet the Lord and I would see him again in heaven, on the other side.
I recently, just finished teaching a ladies bible class centered on James. The book centers on what words we use. What words come out of our mouths that can cause pain or blessings to others. James 1:19-20 tells us we are to be “…swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” In the class, we repeated the first part of that verse at the end of every class. I have heard it said that God gave us two ears to listen, but only one mouth. That mouth can spew out many damaging arrows. The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to pierce and break a heart. God wants us to grow in wisdom and put our faith into action. Part of that is being careful of the words that come out of our mouth. There are some people who think of something in their head and immediately it comes out of their mouths, not thinking that it will hurt someone. The enemy, the devil, knows if he can get enough of the wrong things in our minds, that they will eventually begin to come out of our mouths.
Colossians 3:2 & verse 17 says, “Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth…and whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” In Matthew chapter 4, Jesus was in the wilderness, not eating for forty days. The devil tempted Him with three different things. First, the devil reminds Him that He could make rocks into bread since He was the Son of God. Second the devil tells Him to throw Himself off the temple, getting attention from the crowds. Thirdly, the devil then told Jesus to fall down and worship him, and the devil would give Him all the kingdoms. In every temptation, Jesus said, “…it is written.” He was referring to the law; scripture we have access to today. The devil squeezes himself into our minds in those moments when we are hurting-when we get angry-when we feel we are not worthy to be a child of God-when our flesh is weak. But if we put the words of God in our hearts, through study of those words in the bible, we can push the devil out of our minds and hearts!
Did I say anything wrong, that day that changed my life forever? I don’t think I did but I wish my last words to him, would have been telling him I loved him! We had been through some really rough times during the last ten years of his life. There are so many words I wish I would have said differently, so many days when I was exhausted and frustrated and I know I said what I shouldn’t have. I look back and wish I could have had better words to help our teenager daughter through those dark days when my husband was in a deep depression. Our tongue can give peace to a hurting soul, if we just stop and think.
I have had several people, since my husband passed away 14 years ago, ask me, if I would have known I was going to have to go through those rough trying years, would I have still married him. Honestly, while I was going through those painful years, maybe I would have said no. But I know I would not have three amazing children, eight grandkids and three great-grandkids, of which I don’t think I could live without. I am also thankful for those years because I feel that I have grown so much closer to God. I learned so much about God from him. He preached at small churches who could not afford a full-time preacher. If I had a question for a class I was teaching or for my ladies’ day, I could ask him and “off the top of his head,” he could give me chapter and verse in the bible. His memory was amazing! He only had to read something once and it stayed in his mind. I am also, a more confident daughter of the King, because of his encouragement for me to write and be the best woman I can be. I know that through my published books and talking to women, that my story has helped other women, especially, to heal and to know that there is hope through God. And if we don’t go through trials, how can we truly exercise our faith and gain more faith!
So, what am I trying to say? I only had 36 years with my husband before he passed away. We don’t know how many more days-hours-minutes-seconds we have on this earth with our loved ones. Be careful what comes out of your mouth. Think before letting those words out into the air that we cannot just catch and put back. A lady from one of my jobs, came to his funeral. She said she did not know what to say. My husband’s funeral was right before halloween. Yes, you know what I am going to say. She said “happy halloween.” (I will never forget the look on my daughters face when the lady said that.) If you don’t know what to say to someone, it is better if you just don’t say anything at all.
If you are married, and especially those for many years, don’t take that for granted. Give them a kiss-give them words of encouragement instead of negativity.
“Life is recorded, not only in decades or years, but in events and memories that form the fabric of our being.” -Guideposts-
Final words. Those words I said are memories of a very stressful and sorrowful day in my life. If you never are able to change what you have said, maybe you need to just not say them. Think. Words of kindness and goodness need to be a new part of your life!
My Larry, as I said those final words fourteen years ago, “I will see ya on the other side!” I miss and love you so much!
Till next time!
Keela