IS HE THERE?
My husband was standing in the hallway of our duplex, with his hand on the wall, trying to catch his breath, like so many times before. I blinked. And he was gone.
I watch a series on the UP channel called Heartland. The show I watched today was a sad one. The husband of a young couple had passed away. The young wife thought she saw him everywhere. But then, all of a sudden, he was gone. It made me think about, after my husband left this earth and the many times, I thought I saw him in that duplex, where we lived before, he died. My kids knew I needed to find another place to live. Too many tough, painful memories there. The good Lord helped me to find the home I am in now, in an adult community.
When someone close to you dies, your whole life is turned upside down. The grief hits you at the least unexpected times. When I watched the episode of the show, it made me think about the many times I thought I saw my husband after he had passed away. I bawled the entire show, partly for what the young girl was going through and partly for what I had and am still, from time to time, going through today.
There are times that I have questioned, is God there? Why am I going through this painful time in my life when everything is falling in around me? You have been there too. It is not that you don’t have deep faith, but things are just not going right and the pain seems unbearable and you wonder if God is hearing you-Is He there?
Maybe you are going through a divorce. The pain is unbearable. Is He there? Maybe your child has just died of an overdose and you are blaming yourself for not seeing the signs. Is He there? Maybe you have been bullied and told you are no one-a nobody. Is He there? Your confidence has been shattered by unkind words or actions by another. Is He there? Maybe you have lost your home to foreclosure and you are standing in front of a judge because there is no other way out but through bankruptcy. Is He there? Maybe you are at the funeral home staring, through a flood of tears, at a loved one who has died. Is He there? Maybe you are working twelve-hour days, while your husband is in a hospital room and you do not know how you are going to make it because you are so tired and beaten down. Is He there? Maybe you have lost your job and you are “the bread winner” of the family. You keep being turned down by job opportunities. How will you pay your bills and take care of your family? Is He there? Maybe you feel the only way out from under all the pain is through taking your own life. Is He there?
There are so many other hard scenarios that I could write here. Ones that I have experienced or know of those who have experienced them. Times when our lives are spiraling out of our control. When we feel helpless and hopeless. Times when we wonder why God let these things and feelings happen to us or to those we love.
I am sure, by now you know the answer that I will tell you to the question, Is He there? Of course, He is there. We succumb to our own pain and despair and forget to reach out to Him through prayer. All we can feel is our own humanness and our own pain. We forget that He is the FIRST one that we should reach out to when we go through the trials of this life and ask that question. We may not get an answer from God, the way that we think our problems should turn out or in what we feel is a timely manner. But we have to have faith that God is working all things for our good.
At the time we were going through our bankruptcy and foreclosure, I prayed so hard for God to help me figure out how to keep our home. But it was not for my good. Looking back at that time in my life, I see that He was answering my prayer. That home was a raised ranch and my husband could not do hardly any steps towards the end of his life. I now see, that when my husband passed away, that if I had that home, my children and I would have had to sink a lot of money into that raised ranch to get it ready to sell. It ended up I was renting a duplex and I did not have to worry about trying to sell that house and fixing it up. I could not see at that time of my life that God was working for the best for my future!
These verses in Jeremiah 29:11-13 have always spoken to my heart, giving me hope and peace. Jeremiah is telling the Israelites that God will bring them out of the Babylonian captivity in the future. “For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”
Romans 8:28 reads, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
Isaiah 55:8-9 reads “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord, For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thought than your thoughts.”
Psalm 27:14 reads “Wait on the Lord, Be of good courage, And He will strengthen your heart, Wait, I say, on the Lord!”
The day I am finishing up this blog, would have been my husband and my 48th wedding anniversary, if he had lived. As I just typed that, it felt like a dagger went through my heart and tears came to my eyes. The pain is still there and hits me hard from time to time, especially on days like today, even though this October he will be gone twelve years. There were many times during those last ten years of my husbands’ life when I questioned, “Is He there?” My husband changed during the last ten years of his life because of the illness that ravaged his body, which sent me on the “roller coaster ride” with him. That question would hit me hard at times and I would struggle. But if I would remember to reach out to Him in faith and lean on His truths and promises, I could find the peace only God can give.
The verses above gave me and should give us courage that God has a plan for us and our future. A plan for good and not evil. He has a plan for us to help others, through what we have gone through, to realize that there is Hope, that there is a Light that will lead us through the hard times here on this earth. The next time you question, “IS HE THERE?” answer with a strong, YES! We just have to reach out of ourselves to Him! Thank you, God for Your promises!
Till next time!
Keela
(Some of that “roller coaster ride” with my husband is in my first book, “Finding the Light in the Darkness.”)