OUR TEARS IN HIS BOTTLE
OUR TEARS IN HIS BOTTLE
The tv screen suddenly became blurry, as tears ran down my cheeks. I was watching a Hallmark movie (of course). The main characters’ deceased mother had grown up in England. When she realized she was dying, she had given a friend a ticket to England, to give her daughter on a certain birthday. She wanted her daughter to see where she had grown up. She had grown up on a particular farm, which had become a bed and breakfast. She had set up with them to give the daughter a room there. The scene I was crying about was, the daughter was standing on a cliff overlooking the same land and sea that the mother had looked at so many years before. Of course, that would make some of us to cry, but there is a special reason this story hit me so hard.
I was born in England. My mother and I had talked so often about going to England and “walking” in the same shoes that she and dad had walked so many years ago. My dad was in the air force and was stationed there for four years. I was three when we came back, on an ocean liner, to America. So, I don’t have any memories of those years. How I have wished I would have been there long enough to talk with that English brogue! My mother left this earth six years ago. We never got that chance to go to England together. (Just typing that brought tears to my eyes and grief to my heart.)
So, what does grief have to do with that? Well, I started thinking that there are so many types of grief. The different types of grief make us feel differently about each one and we grieve differently. I am going to list some here and I am sure you could add more that have filled your heart with sadness. I have lost my grandparents, my husband, my mother, beloved pet and close friends. Each one of them have touched my sad heart in a different way. Each one of them brought pain in my heart. But because of the special type of relationship, I had with them, when I see, hear, touch or smell something, my senses bring thoughts of them specifically to my heart. For example: when I saw this particular movie, it moved me to tears and what I had lost without my mother. My husband loved Boy Scouts and was so involved with helping the boys with their goals; going so far as to train leaders and was scoutmaster of about one hundred boys. He was at camp with both of our boys and helped them to attain their Eagle rank. He was also a chaplain, at camp, after our boys had achieved that goal. Any time I hear about Boy Scouts, I think of him and how much time and love he had put into it and grieve for those boys who did not have a chance to be touched by him. I think you get the idea.
But have you ever thought that there are other ways we grieve, other than when a loved one passes away? Times when our heart breaks into a thousand pieces! I will list a few here, some that I have experienced, and see if any of them have made you feel like the pain is so great that it will break your heart. Grief over loss of: your job-your home to foreclosure-a special dream-your aging process losing your youth-sitting in a lonely nursing home realizing your children and grandchildren are living their lives without you-your physical health-grief of what could have been-child leaving home-a family member who has left the Lord-years that have been lost because of an addiction-a person’s confidence in themselves-realization of weight gain. And there are so many others I could list here. You have your own loss in your life that you grieve over.
Let me give an example of one of these types of loss’ that I have experienced. The other day I saw an older couple holding hands walking down my street. They were slow, of course, but even after all their years together, they still could walk together and hold hands. I will never have that. Seeing them brought that fact and grief back into my heart. The last ten years of my husbands’ life, were painful for him, physically and mentally and he changed. During those years, he suffered a deep depression for two years, 24-7. He spent a lot of time in the hospital with congestive heart failure and other physical issues. I feel the pain in my heart for our daughter who was in her teenage years and he was not always there for her, to spend time with her, to go to her games or other activities. I am sure that is a grief she will always have in her heart. I became a widow at 54. My husband and my plans for our future, when he retired, was that we would get a camper and go all over the United States, as he preached to small congregations who could not afford a preacher. Those plans were crushed. That sends grief anew into my heart. He never got to do that and I could not be by his side as he spread the gospel.
The Bible speaks a lot about some of the different types of grief. Here are a few. Job said “Oh, that my grief were fully weighed, and my calamity laid with it on the scales! For then it would be heavier than the sand of the sea…” (Job 6:1-3) “Even in laughter the heart may sorrow, and the end of mirth may be grief.” (Proverbs 14:13) “He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…” (Isaiah was talking about Jesus chapter 53:3) “And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.” (Genesis 6:6) “Jesus wept. Then the Jews said see how He loved him!” (when Lazarus died in John 11:35)
There are some who have so much pain in their hearts that they feel suicide is the only choice. Some whose hearts are so full of grief that they are stuck there, not able to find happiness in this world and not able to fulfill their God given purpose. I have a friend who is stuck in her past and she is constantly grieving over things that happened thirty years ago.
I know that was a lot of negativities. So, let’s talk about how we can make it through those hard times. I am not saying it is not ok to grieve. Not at all. The verses above show that even our God, Lord and Savior grieved. People grieve in different ways. Don’t judge someone of how they are handling their grief. There is not a time limit on grief. What I am saying is when you are in those moments of grief, you need to realize that you still have a future-you still have a life that you need to shine your light for the Lord-how can you fulfill your God given purpose if you are stuck in your past. As time goes by, you will still have that grief in your heart, feeling that pain; but you will learn how to go forward into your future.
Wouldn’t it be amazing that when we had that overwhelming feeling of grief, that we could just flip a switch in our hearts to get away from that pain? Let me share how I have made it through those times when grief seems to overwhelm my life. I am not saying this is how you can get peace with your grief, but rather I am giving you an example of how I have found peace. I am saying that you CAN find peace once you have experienced grief. While watching that movie, my tears flowed. I tried to find a positive in that grief. My mother and dad took a lot of pictures from England. My mother put those pictures in a book and wrote under each one where it was and some of them, she shared my reaction to them. So, when and if, I get to experience my birthplace, I will have a small glimpse into what my mother saw and felt. When I see something about the Boy Scouts, that pain hits my heart, reminding me of my husband. I steer my mind to thoughts of him and that love he had for those boys and the many people, who he touched. After I saw that older couple walking holding hands, I turned to God’s word. I turned to passages that help me remember that, if I continue to serve Him, that I will see my husband, my mother and others who have left this earth, one day when I die. That gives me hope! I have also realized that when those debilitating times of grief come, that if I turn around and help someone in need, it helps that raw pain to lessen. Maybe you can help someone by, sending a card-calling a person who is older and needs a boost because they feel lonely and hopeless-making a meal and take to a struggling family. During my rough years when my husband was sick, a friend always sent me a gas card to help. So many things a person can do to help others. Also, it helps to talk to a close friend. Somehow just saying the grief out loud helps to start heal those feelings.
Look up in your Bible, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. Those verses have helped me to realize part of my purpose on this earth. The grievous times I have suffered have helped me to be able to share my heartaches and pain to others showing there is hope in their future and in the Lord. To go on, putting one foot in front of the other. That is the reason for the two books I have published and hope to publish in the future, and thus the reason for this blog.
We were created by God and He gave us the human emotion of grief. That tells me that we will grieve. But it also makes me realize that God is good and He can help us to come out of that grief to be able to shine our lights for Him! God loves us so much. “You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle.” (Psalm 56:8)
Finally, I hope this helps someone. We all have had so many types of grief. Each person’s grief is different and in how they deal with those feelings. Although those pains of grief will visit us over and over, God will help you use those painful feelings for His glory and put our tears in His bottle of comfort!
Till next time!
Keela