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FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS

Have you ever thought that God created you for a purpose? My purpose is not your purpose! Your purpose is not my purpose! Has God given us one purpose or has He given us many purposes? Have you realized your purpose? Do we even realize when we are fulfilling our purpose? Is that important? What if we fail to act upon something that fills our heart, that was one of our purposes? Too many questions you are thinking!

The word purpose in Webster’s dictionary means: “an object or result aimed at.” Sometimes, we can see clearly a certain purpose that God has given us. Let me give you an example in my life. The church I attend, several years ago, went through a huge transition of people leaving for various reasons, some passed away and some people moved elsewhere. But then, new people started coming and placing membership at church. I think back to the difficult ten-year span of my life when my husband was sick and all the challenges that faced us. Many of the people who attended church back then, helped me through those years. I can think of so many who have passed away that were my strength and encouragement. There are several amazing friends who have moved out of state, who were there for me and also for my husband. They made me laugh in the midst of the turmoil and reminded me that God was always by my side. They were amazing friends to my husband and gave him some peace. They helped push the pain out, by me being able to talk to them about what was going on. They just sat and listened to me, I knew that they would not turn around and gossip. I miss all of them so much! (If there are any of you reading this, thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to help us during that difficult time.)

As I mentioned, there have been so many new faces and families now that have become my church family. I had a “light bulb moment” a few years ago. I realized that maybe I was in their lives right now to help them with challenges that they may be facing! Wow! I had many God given purposes during my difficult years that I can look back now and see, but now maybe this is a God given purpose for right now in my life! A purpose to give peace, hope, clarity and encouragement for others! Thus, starting my blog and publishing my new ladies Bible class book, “God’s Beauty Plan.”

There is a book in the Old Testament called Esther. It is a quick read, only ten chapters. It is full of so many lessons. It is the only book in the Bible that does not mention God, but He is everywhere within the book! This is the story of an orphan girl named Esther, who was raised by her cousin, Mordecia. Through a series of events, she becomes queen of the King Xerxes, of Persia. Esther was a Jew, but did not tell the king. As in most good stories, there was a bad guy named Haman. As prime minister of Persia, everyone was to bow down before him when he passed. Esther’s cousin, Mordecia, refused to do so. This made Hamen so angry that he asked Xerxes to command that all the Jews in this region, be annihilated (old, young, little children, male and female.)

When queen Esther, found out about this, (through Mordecia) she was urged by him to go before the king and plead for the salvation of the Jewish race in this region. You and I might think how easy that would be to go before your husband and talk to him. But during this time in history, she could be killed if the king had not called her. Esther 4:11 “…any man or woman who goes into the inner court to the king, who has not been called, he has but one law; put all to death, except the one to whom the king holds out the golden scepter that he may live.” Mordecai said in verse 13-14 “…do not think in your heart that you will escape in the king’s palace any more than all the other Jews. For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for SUCH A TIME AS THIS?” Mordecai was telling her that she would be put to death, just like all the other Jews. But he had faith in his heart that God would deliver the Jews during this time, whether Esther had courage to go before the king or not. The next part touches my heart deeply and should yours as well-he says, for SUCH A TIME AS THIS! Mordecai is telling her, maybe she had been put into this situation, by God, to fulfill His purposes in her life!

Wow! Think about that! Have you been born during this time in history, to fulfill one of God’s purposes? Maybe God is calling you to step out of our comfort zone and reach out in courage. Maybe your faith is being tested. Maybe you need to exercise your faith in order to fulfill God’s purpose or purposes. Is there something in your life you have felt you needed to do or get done and you keep putting it off? Maybe it is as simple as a card, a call, a meal to a family having a hard time, inviting a neighbor to church services, a visitor made to feel welcome or a hospital visit made. There are many simple things we can do that maybe are fulfilling our purpose given by God. But maybe there are also “larger” things we are meant to accomplish, but are held back by our lack of courage and faith! Do you have anything that has been tugging at your heart and you are scared to take that first step? In my life, getting in front of women to give a speech or teach a class, is definitely out of my comfort zone! But “God nudged me” and now, I know that my experiences can and do help other women to have hope, thru God, in the middle of their daily challenges.

Are you being held back by your lack of faith? Maybe you were put in this church to fulfill a purpose that God has given you. If you think about all of the people in the world and all of the years, that have been and will be, our lives are just a small speck in God’s history of time. Let’s remember, it is no accident you were born at this time in history, in a particular church family, in a specific job or in a specific person’s life. God has a purpose or purposes for each and every one of us! Don’t let a lack of faith and courage stop you from fulfilling those God given purposes. Don’t let a lack of confidence in yourself hold you back. If God brings you to it, He will help you through it! You are important! God created you! Every day is important! Have faith to step out in a God-given confidence knowing He is right there with you! And just as Mordecai told Esther, God may have created you “FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS!”

Till next time!                                      Keela

NEW NORMAL

Where I work as a receptionist, there are some “interesting” characters we see from time to time, on the sidewalks in front of our building. One lady would just holler at some imaginary person. One day she actually poured salt all over her head. Was she trying to get rid of some evil spirit or was that some type of strange thoughts in her head that she wanted to do? She would come into our practice and ask for free cat litter. Did she have an imaginary cat or a real one? We never found out. We have not seen her for awhile so we hope she found some help to quench the unsettling thoughts she had. This week, we saw another lady, who was on the sidewalk across the street, doing an exercise routine. We thought that was part of her walk she took every day. But when she started walking on an imaginary balance beam and talking to the bench, we knew that was not the case. She would take out running down the sidewalk screaming at the top of her lungs like she was in some type of race. Both of these women, thought what they were doing is normal. Those of us watching her, were not for sure.

What is the meaning of normal? Webster’s dictionary defines normal & norm as: “sound in mind or body-of average intelligence-a set of standard development or achievement derived from the actions of a large group of people.”  From that definition, maybe what is normal to me is not normal toyou! Normal comes from the same regular actions of a group of people. We each give a different meaning to normal. I have a normal routine I do in the morning when I am getting up. I do the same thing over and over. At work, we have changed the way we clock in and out. We use to do it on our phones and now we clock in from one of the computers. So, I have forgotten to clock in, because when I get up front, I might have to start helping someone and forget that I am not actually clocked in on the time clock. I have had to change my normal routine to accommodate the changes that have been made at work. I have had to start a new normal.

 We all agree that the actions of the two women I just talked about, are not normal. They were living in their normal of what their thoughts were telling them to do. We feel that we want to help people like that to transform them to the normal thought patterns that we have. My boys when they were little, had transformers. I am sure most of you who have children, know exactly what I am talking about. The toy that, when moved around, would take a different shape and be transformed into something else. When we chose to follow God, we have to transform, change, our minds and actions away from the sinful, worldly actions that we were or did before we made the choice to follow God. The Bible talks about this in 2 Corinthians 3:18. “But we all with unveiled face, beholding as a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed in the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”  As believers behold the glory ofthe Lord, by reading the scriptures, we become transformed or changed to strive to be more like Jesus. Of course, we will never be like Jesus who was perfect, but we should strive to be better and more like Him in all we do.

Another scripture is in Romans 12:1-5, reads “I beseech you, therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. For I say through the grace give to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.”

These verses tell me that we should strive everyday to serve and obey God. In the last set of verses: holy means-set apart for the Lord’s use; acceptable means-pleasing to God; reasonable means-God has given us so many gifts, and the normal reaction to this is to serve Him. A person who is conformed to this world, follows other people to do evil or follows every person that is different to believe what they believe. They mold their lives to not think for themselves and they do not stand against what the devil throws at us each and every day. Instead of following the values of this world, the believer should be transformed or changed away from those values. This transformation begins in the mind and heart. We have to change. A mind that is dedicated to do the things of this world, will only produce a life of a person who follows everything others tell them to do and will be tossed around in the culture they live in. But when we transform our minds, to dedication to our God, we can stand against all the trials we might face in this earthly life. We have the center of our lives-God. These verses also, compare the many members of our physical body like the-foot-hand-eyes, to the fact that we as individuals are not all the same. We have our own personalities. Our own talents. Our own purpose. God created each one of us unique, to fulfil His purposes for our lives. It would be very boring in deed if in this world we all were the same. Throughout time, God has shown how He has used certain personalities for certain purposes. In the Old Testament, there are many different personalities that fulfilled different purposes. Job-David-Joseph-Esther-Hannah and so many more. If you are not familiar with these I mentioned, search in your Bible to see how God used them to fulfill a certain purpose.  

What is normal for one person is not normal for another. When my husband passed away, everything changed in my world. My physical life became totally different. I felt a type of confusion-a type of not knowing how to go ahead into the unknown future. At the time, I was writing for another woman’s website and talked about my husband’s death and how everything had changed. I got a response from one lady, that I will never forget, who said I had to find a new normal. The normal I was use to living, had changed or transformed. I had another direction for my life, that I had to make choices and follow. It took me a while to understand what my new normal was, but I realized that different seasons of our lives our normal might change here on earth. But our spiritual normal needs to keep growing and might take us to different challenges given us by God. For instance, in my life, the two books I have published and the blog I have started.

Each one of us has a normal life we live. But if we are following the world, then we need to understand and change that normal. We need to transform into what God wants us to have as our normal. I have always enjoyed going to venues where Patsy Clairmont was and reading her many books. One of them is called “Normal is Just a Setting on your Dryer.” There are so many settings we could use. Some are for delicate items. Some are for heavy loads. Some are for wrinkle release. I know that I use the permanent press & the normal setting most often. Just like the different settings on the dryer, we all are different. We look different, we act different. We are all in different seasons of our lives and may have had to find a new normal. Are we normal? Well, I like to think I am. But, of course, that is my viewpoint.

The two women I talked about at the beginning, did not seem to have normal behavior in our definition of normal. This physical life presents many challenges and changes. We need to transform our thinking and actions towards the Lord. He is the only one who can help us find our normal in this world.

Maybe you feel like you need to find a new normal in your life, because things have changed. Maybe you have been letting your normal be the same as the worlds. You have let the world define what normal is-conformed your thinking. Maybe you are trying to find what your new normal is after a tragedy in your life. If you are stuck in the normal of this world, reach out to God for a new normal. God can help you transform away from the world. We just have to reach out to Him. So, the only kind of new normal that is truly acceptable to God, is one of following His word and obeying His commands. When happenings of this world change your normal, reach out to God. He is always there! Stop conforming to this world’s definition of normal. Transform your thoughts and life to a new normal of living for God!

So, the question is: are you normal?

Till next time!                                          Keela

BE STILL

Well, my son (who lives with me) went and did it! He got a six-month-old golden retriever puppy! Those of you who have ever had a puppy realize there is a lot that goes with that energetic ball of fur. I had a headache yesterday and tried to lay down and take a nap before work. You notice I said I tried! He kept getting down and getting into something. So, I put his leash on him and got him up on the bed. Then I started to gently scratch his head, his face and his legs, just like I use to do to get my human babies and grandbabies to try to get them to be still. It worked! It calmed him down and he drifted asleep. I closed my eyes and semi-slept as I knew how much trouble he could get himself into if I went into a deep sleep. He really is a good puppy and did not take long for me to fall in love with him. (If any of you who know me well are thinking, what about your baby dachshund you are getting in the spring? Well, no worries, I am still getting one and looking forward to her. I am sure there will be a few blogs coming in the future about her shenanigans!)

Being still! That is hard for energetic children, puppies or kittens. But have you ever realized that it is hard for us as adult humans to be still also? We live in a technological time in history. So many things to help us save time, but then we pile on more things to do. In pioneer times, they had to wash and dry their dishes. We have dish washers. They had to wash their clothes and then hang them out on the clothesline. We have washers and dryers. They had to go out and catch the chicken, kill it, then pluck the feathers off. Then cook it on a wood stove that they had chopped that wood. We go to the store and buy chicken that has already been cut up, even the skins taken off. Then we put it in the oven that we only have to turn a nob to get it to come on.  Or we have bought a frozen dinner and just have to follow the directions and put in the microwave. I just recently got home from visiting my daughter. I got on an airplane and flew thousands of miles to get to her. In pioneer days, when a daughter left in the covered wagon, the mother and daughter realized that they might never see each other again in this life. We are blessed that we can actually text back and forth, talk on the phone and skype, actually seeing each other. I am so thankful for these time saving inventions! It makes my life so much easier. But yet, even after all those time saving things, we end up in bed ready to go asleep and are so “keyed” up, because we are so tired and stressed after a busy, long day of physical and mental activities. We just lay there and stare at the ceiling. Then, we realize that we did not save any time to be still with our God!

Let’s look at a few illustrations in the Bible that help us to remember that God wants us to be still and just meditate, read the scriptures, pray and think about God. After all, He is who actually created men and women with amazing minds that they can figure out how to save us time with these inventions.

Psalm 139:17-18, “How precious are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.” God is telling us to be still with Him first thing in the morning. If you do not have time to read scriptures or your daily devotional then, there are still things you can do to be still with your God during the day. When you get in the shower, talk to God from your heart and pray for others and your day ahead. While you are driving, pray to God about that person who “flew” in front of you and you almost ran into him. Pray about that person on the corner who is down on their luck and asking for money. When you take your walk, don’t walk reading all your text messages or Facebook. Put your phone in your pocket and look around you at the amazing creations God has given us. I try to pray for one member of my family or someone at church who is going through a difficult time, while taking my walk. It gives me peace and energy to face whatever the future holds! Be Still!

Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know I am God. I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth!” When we stop and think about God, we realize we can do anything through His power and might! Just stop, breathe and think about the blessings God has given you. Praise Him in the middle of the storms of life, because no matter what you are going through, God is always right by your side helping you take one foot in front of the other. We need to praise Him, knowing that heaven will be waiting for us after we die. God should be our everything, in any joy or sorrow of our lives here on earth. Be Still!

1 Kings 19:11-13, “Then He (God) said, ‘Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.’ And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire, and after the fire a STILL SMALL VOICE. So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave (where he had been hiding). Suddenly, a voice came to him, and said, ‘What are you doing here Elijah?”  We have all felt and heard the power that the wind whistling through the trees has; the power to destroy trees, property and lives. My brother was in an earthquake in California. He saw all the power that earthquake had and the noise associated with it. I have never personally been in a devastating fire, but because of the recent fires in several states, we have all seen the devastation and noise that a fire creates. The loudness and power of the wind, earthquake, and fire did not signal to Elijah that he was in the presence of God; even though we know that God is in the midst of that power. But it was not until all got quiet, that Elijah truly heard God. In the middle of a hurricane, is what is called the eye of the storm. The hurricane is swirling causing devastation. In the middle of it, is peace-calm-beauty. God is not just a God of the spectacular, but also in the quiet-gentleness-stillness of our lives! He is always and has always been with us. If we let Him, He can help us find that calmness, that peace in the middle of our storms of this life. We just need to reach out & up to Him! Be Still!

We have all of these time saving inventions to help us along our path on this earth. I am thankful for them! But we need to encircle ourselves with God. We need to be able to turn to Him and hear the still small voice that He gives us in the quiet times. If we don’t have a quiet time, make one. My daughter, quiets her little ones after baths and before bedtime, by a little snack and watching a cartoon. They are to be quiet! This helps their energetic little bodies to calm down, to be still! We need to calm ourselves down by all the thoughts about what all I need to do today and tomorrow, and take a deep breath. Be still and think about our God! Then, we can get our priorities straight, catch our breath and focus on what is truly important. In those quiet times, I feel God’s presence. I do not believe that the Bible tells us that God talks to us directly-physically like He did in Bible times, but I feel the presence, His voice, through studying His word and when I stop and just let myself be engulfed in His love. Be still!

God’s way of calming us, to get us to be still, is not like I talked about at the beginning of this blog; by gently scratching, as I have done with my son’s new dog or my children & grandchildren. God’s way is for us to read & meditate on His word, the Bible. If you only have time for one verse each day, that is good. A great start! Think about that verse during your busyness of your day. Of course, you still have to work outside and inside the home. Sometimes I get so stressed at work or home. I have found at those times, if I take a deep breath to calm me and I turn my thoughts to a favorite verse or particular verse, I had read that morning or evening; that all of a sudden, my thoughts are still and I am thinking of my God and His promises! When the disciples and Jesus were in a boat in Mark 4, there came a great storm. Jesus, who had been asleep, in verse 39, tells the wind “…Peace, be still…”  God is in control! We just have to learn how to Be still in His presence!

If you have a new puppy, take my advice and try gently scratching them to get them to settle down and be still. The same concept applies to us. Let the “gentle scratching” of reading, thinking, praying and meditating about God, cause us to stop, breath and remember that God IS in the spectacular, but He is also in the quietness of our lives! That is when we can truly focus on Him and His promises!

Be Still! Try it sometime. You will realize the joy and peace that it can bring through God!

Till next time!                                           Keela

SAILBOATS

Looking out my airplane window I saw sailboats on the ocean. They looked like white dots in the great expanse of the blue. I had just left my four grandchildren, daughter and son-in-law. What fun we had and my heart had been filled with so much joy while spoiling them! But as I looked at those white spots in that massive ocean, I felt so sad and so tired. Those little white spots were like the actual amount of time that I got to be with my little one’s ages 10-8-5 and 8 months. I try to go about every six months. That week had sailed by so quickly. Time has a way of doing that, doesn’t it?

Leaving is so hard, tears are shed. But all those years of being my daughter’s mother, prepared her to “fly out of my nest.” Isn’t that what we do as young mothers? Prepare them for being on their own, with their own families?

We must lean on God, when they leave us, giving them to God. We feel we have done all we could, even though we have made many mistakes, we feel we have done the best we could-with what time we had-with what we had. Sure, we make mistakes but we hope those mistakes have become a tool which our children can grow on and from.

Those feelings of sadness over flying miles apart from my daughter, made me think of another time that those feelings of sadness overtook my heart. My daughter excelled in high school and played sports. Upon her graduation from high school, she received so many scholarships for college. She had worked hard for them. She made a decision to go to a Christian college in Florida. In Florida, her family here in Missouri! My husband was not able to make the drive because of his health issues. My parents offered to help us get her there. They drove their car and my daughter drove hers-both cars packed, taking up every available inch in both cars.

I will never-ever- forget the pain in my heart that I felt when I told her goodbye. As I have said in another blog, she was a surprise gift from God. She gave me so much joy, especially in those dark years with my husband’s physical and mental illness. Here I was going off and leaving her so far away from me. I had told my parents to leave me alone after dropping her off, because I was going to cry when we drove away. I did!

Where had all the time gone? I know there are many of you reading this who are going through leaving your kids at college and I know it is hard! Your control is gone. So many questions. Do they get up and go to class? Will they go to parties and be up all night? Will they remember all the values that you have tried to give them all their lives? Will they be safe? So many questions and worries in our hearts!

Speaking from my experience, I have some things I want you to think about.

1. You have prepared them all of their lives, to let them go, for this special time when they learn what it means to be an adult. Their faith will be tested. You cannot go back and change any mistakes you made. In Philippians 3:13, Paul reminds us, “…forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.” Put one foot in front of the other. Go forward. Don’t get stuck in the past land of what ifs.
2. It is time for them to leave the nest. An eagle pushes out their young from the nest, when she feels they are ready to fly. She hovers over them to swoop in to catch them if they start to fall. That is the same way we as parents should be. Be their encourager-give them courage that they can do this-be there for them when they fall, just like we were when they fell and skinned their knees. Read Ecclesiastes 3. Verses 1-2 read, “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.” Seasons come and they go. It is time to let go.
3. Lean on God’s truths. Be courageous, helping your child to have courage for this new stepping stone of their lives! There are so many scriptures you can turn to that remind us of that. Joshua 1:9 reads, “…Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Isaiah 41:10 reads, “Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” You can do this!
4. Finally, let yourself cry-grieve. This is one season of your life into another. Our sadness comes from what we have always known in the past and the uncertainty of what the future holds. Allow yourself to be sad. Go into their room and feel the stillness-the emptiness. But after a period of time you will realize that life goes on. It might be different-no more shoes on the stairs to trip over-no more stinky socks-no more music coming from their room that seems so loud that it shakes the house. It is going to be ok!

You will always remember these new changes in this season of your life. Each and every stage of life we will have joys and sorrows. You are going to be ok as long as you lean on the good Lord above. Psalm 91:12 says “For He will give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.” Reach out to God. He is just right there ready to help you.

Those sailboats that were little white dots in that huge blue ocean, remind me that we have such little time on this earth. Each season is fleeting.

What I have to say to you parents packing up your kids for college is-hang in there-find the joy in this season-you will cry, but don’t hold onto that sorrow-you have got this-take courage! God is watching over them. This phase of your life is just like those little dots of sailboats in that massive ocean. It will go fast and then, you will be loving on those grandbabies, just like I did. I have always thought sailboats are pretty in the water. This season of your life can also be beautiful. Make the best of each moment! You have prepared them for this season of their lives and whether you realize it or not, you have prepared yourself for this season in your life. You’ve got this!

Till next time.                                   Keela

THREE DARK ATTITUDES OF THE HEART

Bitterness-anger-resentment flowed through my veins with every beat of my heart. When you have bitterness in your heart, it tends to consume every part of your mind, body and soul. That is how I felt many years ago when my husband was in a deep depression for two years-every day-every night-all the time.

My last blog I talked about that period of time and how depression can deep-press-on; so I will not go into the details of his depression, but I want to focus on the feelings of bitterness, anger & resentment I felt during that time and how, with God’s help, I got myself out of those feelings. Those feelings were trying to swallow me up, trying to get me to fall into a dark abyss and were hurting me physically.

Webster’s dictionary defines bitter as: “being or inducing the one of the basic taste sensations that is acrid-suggestive of hops (a vine related to the mulberry whose ripe catkins are used in medicine and in flavoring malt liquor)-marked by intensity or severity as of distress or hatred-extremely harsh or cruel-a resentful attitude.” I visualize a baby the first time they try a lemon or a pickle. The way their little faces pucker up showing that they do not like their taste.

Let me give you a little background on why these feelings were trying to trap my spirit and my body. I was working two jobs, gone from home 12 hours every day. Our daughter was a teenager and so involved with so many activities. I was trying to pay the bills and all the things a household requires. My husband rarely helped at home, nor went to activities of our very active, involved daughter and he slept most all day and night. He did not shave or bath very often, which made our home, as our daughter said, smell like a really bad nursing home. I had tried everything: having someone else talk to him about how he was feeling, I tried tears, I tried showing anger, I tried ignoring how he was being, I tried to get him help professionally-thru counseling & medication, I tried sympathy. I tried encouraging him. There was one time he told me he just could not do anything while sitting in his computer chair. He had been so active in Boy Scouts and he had been an active elder and preacher for church.  I went and sat at our kitchen table. I wrote down 100 things he could do while sitting at his computer to encourage and help others. But none of these things worked. His health and attitude became the definition of who he had become. His identity!

 I started feeling resentful-angry-bitter! Other than going home to my daughter (who I feel God sent me as a surprise, after my husband and I decided to not have any more kids; God knew I would need her to help me through this period of time-bringing me joy and distraction); I started dreading going home even though I was bone tired every day from working so many hours. I would come home and he would be in bed, not seeming to care about how I was feeling. (Of course, he cared. He cared a lot. He blamed himself for everything. If I ever tried to tell him how I was feeling, he would turn around and go back to bed feeling defeated and that he was the reason for all our problems.) I started feeling like a weight was on my shoulders and pressing hard on my chest! I was having trouble breathing. These three dark attitudes of my heart, were starting to consume me mentally and physically! Turning my heart away from God!

One day, I REALIZED what was happening to me. That was my first step. I had to be humble enough to come to the realization of what was happening to me. Instead of giving myself permission to feel this way because of how I felt my life had become, I needed to rather strive towards becoming who God wanted my life to be! I was being so negative, when I had always been such a positive person. At work, at church, I tried to put on a “good” face. I tried to cover up how I was really feeling on the inside. I kept pushing that pain deeper and deeper causing me more pain. I was starting to physically hurt and felt like I was a totally different negative person than I wanted my daughter to grow up with and have as an example. I turned to scripture and God through prayer.

Let’s look at a few scriptures I looked at that showed me how bitterness, anger and resentment were trying to cause me to stray away from God.

• James 3:11-12, talking about the tongue: “Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus, no spring yields both salt water and fresh.”
• Hebrews 12:15, the writer here is trying to uplift the Christians at the time of this writing: “looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness, springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled…”
• Acts 8:20-23, this is when Simon the sorcerer saw the laying on of hands to receive the Holy Spirit, he wanted to buy this amazing power, Peter replies to him: “Your money perish with you, because you thought the gift of God could be purchased by money! You have neither part nor portion in this matter, for your heart is not right in the sight of God. Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you. For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity.”
• Ephesians 4:31-32 reads, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
• Psalm 40:1-3 David says “I waited patiently for the Lord, and He inclined to me, and heard my cry, He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth-Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord.”

Wow! I had to do something! I started praying. Not just a “normal” prayer, but some gut-wrenching prayers. Prayers from pain deep within and pleading for help. This is what I realized I needed to do after turning to God for answers.

1. I JOURNALED. I cannot emphasize how much that helped me through this time. I have, lightheartedly told my kids that when they are cleaning and going through my belongings when I am gone; when they find a journal with a lighthouse on it, throw it away. I poured my heart out trying to release the bitterness, anger and resentment within me.
2. I TALKED to a TRUSTED friend, who I knew would keep whatever I said and not gossip. I know that when I talk about a situation with someone else, things in my life have become clearer somehow. I lift some of that heaviness off my shoulders and release some of that pain within my heart. That friend heard from me quite often and encouraged me to keep on-keeping on.
3. I turned my attitude of negativity to POSITIVITY. My heart told me to start thinking one good thing about my husband every day and I prayed for him with that in mind all day long. I remember one particular day when I was really angry with him; I could not think of one positive thing about him! So, I prayed thanking God that he was still alive! How sad is that! But it was a positive. Do you know what happened when I started and kept thinking positive things, day after day, about my husband? I started looking at him in a different light. I started getting my positive attitude back.

Nothing in my life had really changed. I was still working two jobs, 12-hour days. I was still bone tired. I was still trying to do everything that a normal household requires. Our unpaid bills were still piling up. My husband was still laying in his bed in a depression.

What had changed? MY ATTITUDE! The good Lord had changed my heart! I realized I was going down a dark path, instead of following the light of the Lord. There were many times after I got my attitude right with God, that I felt that weight of bitterness, anger and resentment trying to push me back down once again. But I took the steps I have told you in this blog, to pull myself up and get myself out of that negativity back into positivity!

This life is hard. Each and every day we just feel that we can’t take another step because the activities of this life seem to weight us down. But there is hope! That hope is our good Lord above! He helped me see where I was going and helped me to see what steps I needed to take to go where He wanted me to go!

So, if you are being burdened by this life’s three dark attitudes of the heart, try these steps I used. I feel so much stronger and closer to God after going through the struggles I have endured. If these steps do not work for you; do something. God has put us on this earth to fulfill a purpose. Being negative-bitter-angry-resentful are not the attitudes that will lead us to heaven. They are what is leading us away from God and peace within our hearts. Dig deep and push those negative attitudes out of your heart. You and the people you come in contact with every day, will be so glad you did.

Till next time!                       Keela