POWER IN THANKFULNESS

POWER IN THANKFULNESS

It is that time of year again when, in the stores, the holiday of Thanksgiving gets lost between Halloween and Christmas. TV stations have already been showing Christmas movies. If you know me very well, you know that I have been watching them. I even have been singing with the characters those beloved Christmas songs. My son, Aaron, lives with me. He has had to maneuver shows he wants to watch around my recorded movies this time of year. One time when I was singing along with the movie, my sons golden retriever dog, looked at me like I had lost my mind. Well, if truth be told, I probably have! Even I have jumped ahead of our holiday of Thanksgiving.

The origin of our American Thanksgiving is from 1621 between the pilgrims and Indians, proclaiming the thankfulness of a bounty harvest and the blessing of these two different types of people living and working together. But if we really think about this special day, we need to realize that our God instituted this day many years before. Not only this day, but God tells us to be thankful continuously, every day for everything. Ephesians 5:20 says “giving thanks always for all things to God the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

There are so many types of subjects about thankfulness that we could think about together, but I want to center a few thoughts about the words in the verses above that I have underlined.

I have had some tough, worried, stressful, tiring times in my life. Honestly, the first reaction to those feelings was not to be thankful for those situations. It is easier to say why me? Why am I in physical pain all the time-why am I going through this situation. I have tried to be obedient to God, why is He allowing this to happen to me?

Let me share a time in my life that I asked those questions above. How God helped me to be thankful, even in the middle of my storm. Those of you who know my story, know that my husband was very sick, mentally and physically for ten years before his passing. Our daughter was a teenager part of this time. I was working two, sometimes three, jobs, gone most days twelve hours. Besides this, I dealt with the many stressful days of asking God, why this was all happening to our family. There were many days, if it wasn’t for my precious daughter, I did not even want to go home. What would I find when I did get home? My husband, during this time, was in a two year, everyday all day, deep depression. Usually when I would get home, he would be in bed asleep. There were a few times, I would come home and he would have done laundry or fixed a meal but those days were far and few between. I was doing everything! He was just home all the time. Playing solitaire and sleeping! I did not feel I could talk to him about our finances. He would usually, take all the failures of our finances on himself and go back to bed. He did not bathe or shave very often. It was such a difficult time for me and our daughter. I started having bitterness in my heart. Just being around him, even just driving home, caused me to feel that my chest was suffocating the very breath out of my lungs. The feeling that as soon as I saw him, my chest was churning into and pressing into by body and heart. Like a boulder was sitting on my chest. I knew this feeling was biblically wrong. (Hebrews 12:15 & Ephesians 4:31) In Acts 8:23, bitterness is even called a poison.

But how could I fix it? How could I heal my heart? He was not changing. But was my husband really the problem? No, it was my heart that was bitter. I turned to God. Is that how you do things? You stay in a wrong feeling of your heart until you reach out to God who is the first person, we should have turned to in the first place? I prayed that He would help me to know how to get these feelings and attitude out of me. How I could be around my husband and live my life without these feelings of bitterness? After praying, I realized I needed to be thankful for my husband. How in the world would I do that? God how in the world will that help me? That is too hard! HE was the reason I was having these feelings in the first place! That is when I started a gratitude journal about my husband. I tried to think about one good thing about him each day and I prayed all day thanking God for that particular thing. I remember one day; I could not think of even one good thing about him. (This is probably when he decided to stop his depression medicine, which had taken us months to get a helpful combination. Not only that, but he decided to stop ALL his other meds, because he was feeling better.) The only thing I could think of was that I was thankful he was alive. Wow, that is so sad to think about, isn’t it? But I started praying in thanksgiving, and I realized that feeling of bitterness was slowly and surely leaving my heart. I saw him and the reasons he had been and was in, my life. From time to time, that pressure on my chest would start up again and I would thank God for him. Pushing that bitterness away.

How do you think that I was able to do that? Because there is POWER in a prayer of thankfulness! We become closer to God. We become more positive. We remember who is really in charge. Our focus comes off of self and more on the good things, the blessings, God has given us. Thankfulness helps push out the lies the devil is trying to make us believe. Thankfulness gives us peace! Thankfulness heals us physically, as well as spiritually!

Philippians 4:6-7 reads “Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”  When we come before God in prayer, whatever the reason, we need to include thanksgiving. It has the power to give us peace, helps to focus our minds and hearts back onto what is the important part of the situation. How does thankfulness bring us that peace? We cannot understand how that happens. Our God is true to His promises. He has so much love for us that there is no way we can understand the healing power of thanksgiving. But I know for a fact that there IS healing power by being thankful.

Thankfulness should be an everyday occurrence in our lives. It should naturally flow from our hearts, especially in the rough times. When those tough times come into our lives, and they will, we have to be thankful in the middle of that storm. The storm may be still raging inside our lives and hearts, but the power in thankfulness is this. Our situation may not change, but we change. Our attitude shows us that, when the storms rage, we have the faith and assurance from God that He is by our side. I have found that when I look back, to that time I talked about above, I realize that God was there all the time helping me to make it through. Allowing things to happen, that ended up being a blessing. Helping me, through my thankfulness, to bring peace into my heart.

The next time you feel the pressures of this life about to strangle the very breath out of you, stop. Pray. Be thankful in every situation. Whether good or bad. It will give you much needed peace. My situation had not changed but my heart had all those years ago. Don’t be like the ten lepers who Jesus healed in Luke 17. Only one returned to thank Jesus for healing. Give thanks in ALL situations and in EVERYTHING.

So, this Thanksgiving, look around at those precious faces at your dinner table and realize that God has given you every one of them. There have been hard times, but God has helped you through. Make this Thanksgiving more than just thankfulness for the obvious blessings. But also, for the blessings that God has given you through the hard times. For those of you who will not be sitting down at a dinner table with family or loved ones, remember that God is right by your side helping you take one step at a time. Center your heart on the good things in your life. Be thankful! Invite others to eat with you who do not have any loved ones in their lives or will be alone. Reach out to them. It will lift your spirit and theirs.

Don’t “hop” over the holiday of Thanksgiving. Because this holiday helps us remember to have thanksgiving in our hearts, centering our thoughts onto what is truly important:  God is faithful in His promises. God gives us hope. God gives us peace. God is love. It is not about me, but about God.

Thankfulness towards my husband, helped me to remember there is good in every situation and had healing power over my heart; no matter how hard it was. Thankfulness in the storm, healed my heart!

Psalm 9:1, “I will praise (thank) You, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will tell of all Your marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in You, I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High.”

Have a blessed Thanksgiving! THERE IS TRULY POWER IN THANKFULNESS!

Till next time.

                                                      Keela

GOLDEN THREAD

GOLDEN THREAD

Watching the pageantry of the celebration of Queen Elizabeth ll, was personal to me. Those of you who have been reading my blogs for a while, know that I was born in England. My dad was stationed there in the Air Force. I was 3 when we came back to the states, so I do not remember anything about England. Even though I was born and only spent the first 3 years of my life there and have no memories, I still feel a strong pull, a special tie to anything to do with that country. So, I watched this moment, this golden thread in history, which I will not ever see again in my lifetime, of a 96-year-old Queen who had reigned for 70 years. The people evidently loved her, as all of about 27 miles of road, from Westminster Abbey to Windsor Castle, was lined with thousands and thousands of people wanting to pay their respects and be a part of this historic day. People had started getting a place along the route to catch a glimpse of the Queen’s coffin, several days before the funeral procession. She was truly loved by her subjects.

I started thinking of some similarities and differences to Jesus, between her life as a Queen who had served for 70 years-her death and burial, to Jesus’ life-death and burial. (Of course, I want to say here, there is no comparison between the Queen and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. These are just some thoughts I had after seeing the procession and funeral.)

  1. The Queen’s life compared to Jesus and the differences of their lives here on this earth.

The Queen was very humble. She loved her subjects, her family, horses and her corgi’s. She was member of the church of England. She had a servant leadership. She trusted God and defended her faith in Him. She lived her faith. Walked the walk. She saw much change in the world during her 96 years on this earth and her 70-year reign. She devoted her life in leadership and in service to her people and to being the best Queen she could be. She had a human side-she loved to laugh and to joke. She was in the military before she became Queen. She loved her flower gardens. (Actually, the spray of flowers on her coffin, had myrtle in them. In her wedding bouquet many years before, she had the myrtle from the same gardens.) Her staff loved her and protected her just like the police and guards. She paid allegiance to God before she would let her people pay allegiance to her. She wore bright colored clothing and hats, not out of pride, but because she wanted her subjects to see her and realize that she was real and accessible.

On the other hand, let’s look at Jesus life here on earth. Jesus was humble. He did not even have an earthly home. Philippians 2:8 “And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.” Jesus loved everyone, even to the point of us not humanly understanding. Ephesians 3:19 “to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Jesus was a servant and walked the walk. Matthew 20:28 “…the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give His life a ransom for many.” Jesus, Himself, lived what He taught. Jesus had a human side. When His friend, Lazarus, died He wept and felt human pain of the heart. John 11:33b,35 “He groaned in the spirit and was troubled…Jesus wept.” Jesus’ followers tried to protect Jesus. When He was betrayed and arrested in the garden of Gethsemane in John 18:10, Simon Peter “…having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest’s servant, and cut off his right ear.” Jesus did not wear bright clothing of course, but He was a real human being and was accessible. He wanted the people to realize who He was and that He was real. John 6:69 “Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

  • Now think with me, about the Queen’s death procession leading up to her burial. Let’s compare it to the last few days Jesus was on this earth.

 Like I noted before there were thousands of people who lined the route, the hearse took with her coffin, wanting to show their respects. Some even said it was a privilege, not even caring how long they waited to catch a glimpse of the Queen’s coffin. They said they would wait as long as they had to, to get even a small short glimpse. It was the least they could do for a Queen who had given her life in service for her kingdom. All along the route, people threw flowers in memory of their Queen. She was a member of a very close royal family who she loved with all her heart. Her funeral and procession were full of pageantry and splendor. Her funeral was made up of verses from the bible being read and sung from choir and the crowd. Her coffin was placed on a state gun carriage, drawn by 142 of Royal Navy service personnel. On her coffin were the nations flag. Also, lay her purple royal crown, made up of jewels and 2862 diamonds. Also, the scepter, which represented the Crown’s power. Also, the Orb, signifying that the monarchy’s power comes from God. Also, the spray of flowers with a personal note from her son, Charles, who is now King, saying “In loving and devoted memory.”

On the other hand, let’s look at Jesus path to the cross, His death and burial.

Jesus started His short ministry at 30. He had spent His short life, performing miracles, serving others and teaching the apostles, disciples and people. In Matthew 19:2 and many other passages of scripture, it tells us “And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.” As Jesus was praying in the garden, Jesus’ sweat was like blood. When He left the garden, he “found them sleeping…” (Luke 22:45) The disciples could not even stay awake waiting for Jesus. On Jesus pathway to the cross, instead of flowers being thrown at Him, in Luke 22:63-65, “Now the men who held Jesus mocked Him and beat Him. And having blindfolded Him, they struck Him on the face and asked Him, saying ‘Prophesy! Who is the one who struck You?’ And many other things they blasphemously spoke against Him.” Luke 18:33, “They will scourge Him and kill Him. And the third day He will rise again.” Pilate asked the crowd if he should release a murderer named Barabbas or Jesus. Luke 23 tells us that they wanted the murderer released and said about Jesus “crucify Him, crucify Him!” Luke 27:28-31 reads “And they stripped Him and put a scarlet robe on Him. When they had twisted a crown of thorns, they put it on His head and a reed in His right Hand, and they bowed the knee before Him and mocked Him, saying. ’Hail, King of the Jews.’ They spat on Him and took the reed and struck Him on the head. And when they had mocked Him, they took the robe off Him, put His own clothes on Him, and led Him away to be crucified.” Luke 24 tells us that Jesus was buried and rose from the dead. This chapter also tells us that He appeared to His disciples and then in verse 51, “Now it came to pass, while He blessed them, that He was parted from them and carried up into heaven.”

Jesus’ life was short on this earth unlike the Queen who was 96. The Queen did not rise from the dead. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ did. He is waiting on the right hand of God, waiting for us when we leave this earth. The end of Jesus life, was marked with much pain and belittlement. He succumbed to death on a painful cross.

We have shown a lot of attention to the Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and her celebration. She did reign for the people, who loved her so much. But we must show much more attention to Jesus, death-burial-and resurrection. If He had not suffered and died for us, we would have no hope of an eternal life in heaven with Him. Revelations 21 tells us of the grandeur of heaven. Our lives here on this earth are full of heartache, pain and suffering. But we are told of the streets of gold, and beauty beyond our comprehension. There will be no more tears, “…death, nor sorrow, nor crying…no more pain…” Such grandeur when we rise to meet our Savior in heaven!

Our world is blessed to have had such an amazing Queen Elizabeth ll! She has truly shown us a golden thread thru history. But let’s put our main focus on Jesus and His death-burial-resurrection and the golden thread He has shown us in history. The United Kingdom now has a new King.  1 Timothy 6:15 tells us that Jesus is “…King of kings and Lord of lords…” He isthe one and only true King! We are truly blessed to have a Savior who waits for us to leave this earth and come to Him. I look forward to that day when I can sing with the angels in praise for our God. I hope I can say when I die what Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:7-8 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me, the crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.” DO YOU HAVE THAT HOPE! If not, there is still time. Become a child of God and live in service for Him. Become a member of God’s Royal family!

A GOLDEN THREAD THRU HISTORY! WHAT A BLESSING!

Till next time!

                                                Keela

(I am having my other knee replaced-hopefully-October 4th. So may be a bit before I get another blog out. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.)

LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER

LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER

Those of you who have followed me on my blogs, know that I love lighthouses. I have a bathroom that is decorated with lighthouses. I have been called the lighthouse lady. I like the symbolism of what they represent. The lighthouse is a strong reminder of God’s light ever vigilant-ever keeping us from danger-ever giving us hope of safety-ever a navigator-ever the symbol of the end of our journey. It also symbolizes that we are to be that light to the world shining brightly for the Lord. The lighthouse was built on solid rock and built to withstand the turbulent storms that swirl around it. Always the bright light warning sailors of the unseen dangers. The keepers of the lighthouse, were very important. They kept that light shining.

Let’s look at five ever present qualities of a lighthouse’s light. But I also want to look at who the keeper of this lighthouse is-you and me and what we are to do to keep that light shining for others to see. Have you ever thought about the keeper of the lighthouse? He or she played an important role.

  1. Ever vigilant. The functioning lighthouses are always on. It is never turned off. The keeper must keep it lit. The first proper lighthouse before technology is the Hook Lighthouse in Ireland, built in the 1600’s. During this time in history, the keeper had to manually keep the coal fire burning. They later went to huge candles, which the keeper had to keep lit. These keepers of the light had to keep watch 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Always on the lookout for that light to go out. We are told in 2 Peter 5:8 “be sober be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” We have to be always on guard for the wiles of the devil, who is ever present, trying to put out our light. As that keeper, we have to always be vigilant.
  2. Ever keeping us from danger. The lighthouse is built on strong rock. It is built to resist the turbulent storms that swirl around it. The keeper of the lighthouse must keep the light trimmed and lit. He has to keep the lighthouse functioning. Always repairing-keeping it working to keep sailors away from danger and also the shore from danger of the ships running into it. The keeper must put action into caring for that lighthouse. The lighthouse is a sign of danger ahead. Psalm 18:28-30 reads “For You will light my lamp; The Lord my God will enlighten my darkness, for by You I can run against a troop, by my God I can leap over a wall. As for God, His way is perfect, the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.” God keeps us from danger if we are a keeper, to our light, which is to shine forth from us, to shine to others.
  3. Ever giving us hope of safety. Can you imagine a sailor who has been in some turbulent, dark water for days on end, and the hope that he feels when he sees the lighthouse’s light shining ever turning, ever leading him to safety. God has never promised us that we will not go through “turbulent waters.” In fact, He tells us that we will. Just like a keeper goes inside the lighthouse for his own safety from the storms, we need to depend on the strength, hope and safety that God gives us from our storms in this life. Psalm 119:105 & 130 reads “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” and “The entrance of Your words gives light; it gives understanding for the simple.” We have to keep His word in our hearts so that when we don’t feel safe, we can remember and turn to scripture to renew our hope.
  4. Ever a navigator. Navigator means: one who determines accurately, ascertaining one’s position and planning and following a route. God’s light is always shining to lead us on our journey of this life. He is ever searching for those who are lost. He is always showing us the way. In the same way, we who are the keepers of the light, should be a help to navigate others on their journey of this life: when they get lost-when they are looking to their own route instead of the only route-when they are needing us to guide them out of this dark world. Ephesians 5:8-10 reads “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness and truth). Finding out what is acceptable to the Lord and have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness…” We must navigate each other to help keep us out of the darkness and always in His light.
  5. Ever the symbol of the end of our journey. When my parents and I came back across the ocean from England in a ship, my mother always said that when she saw land, she knew she had finally come to the end of our journey. She felt joy that she was finally “home.” The light at the top of the lighthouse, shines bright showing sailors that they have finally found land and the end of their journey. We as the keepers of that light, are important. We have to shine for others to see, showing others that there will be an end to their journey on this earth one day. Everyone must die. There will be those who instead of seeing light are only going to see darkness, because of the way they have lived their lives on this earth. It is our responsibility to tell them about Jesus-shining our lights for them. 1 John 1:5-7 reads “This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.” John 14:1-4 reads “Let not your heart be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house, are many mansions, if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also. And when I go you know, and the way you know.” God has promised us that if we follow His light, that we will have a “place” at the end of our journey on this earth. We as keepers of that light, must show others to that light.

The keepers of the lighthouse, played an important role in keeping the light always going and functional. We have been entrusted as the keepers of His light, to spread that light for others to see. We have to always be vigilant-watchful-keeping the darkness away from ourselves and others. We have to nurture and put action into keeping that light burning to keep others and ourselves from danger. Our lights can show others that there is hope of safety within that light. We must keep His light shining by navigating others to Him. And our lights need to shine brightly to shine the way home at the end of our journey.

                     I came across this poem and wanted to share with you.

“The Lighthouse” by Vicki Hansen

Keeping watch across the bay, the lighthouse tower stands.

It shines so bright so other boats will know where there is land.

The light must never go out, it shines for all to see.

It’s a welcoming beacon to the ships that are passing on the sea.

Now, I’m the lighthouse keeper, and it’s Your light that I send.

I make sure your light shines bright, from now till the very end.

We are the keeper of God’s light. We are strong thru the storms of this life, just like the lighthouse. We stand tall for others to see our light shining in the darkness! I love lighthouses and their beauty, strength, promise of safety and showing hope for the end of the journey. I feel truly blessed to have been given the job of a lighthouse keeper. Aren’t you? Shine brightly for Him!

Till next time!

                                                       Keela

THE RIGHT WAY

THE RIGHT WAY

In stop and go traffic, I started wondering where all these people are going. What type of lives do they live? Are they children of God or follow their own “religions” of the world? Are they facing a loved one’s death? With all the mass shootings of late, I even wondered if there is someone in all these cars, who has deadly actions in their minds? What way will they take at the next exit? What way are they all going? Have you ever thought those things?

Sometimes, on my way somewhere or on my way home, I just go thru the actions and don’t even think about what road or way to take. It just comes naturally.

Years ago, I planned a lady’s event, called “The Roadmap to Heaven.” I based the day on the verse in John 14:6. In this scripture, Jesus is talking to the disciples telling them He is going away to prepare a place for them. Thomas tells Him they do not know where He is going and how would they know the way. “Jesus said to them, I am the way, the truth and life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” Jesus was the way to the Father through His death and resurrection. As truth, He is the revelation of God. As life, He is the communication of God to us, leading us to heaven. Jesus and His teachings are our “roadmap” leading us to heaven.

Sometimes in this life, we take detours. We follow signs that lead us the wrong way. We see where this detour leads, looks fun. Proverbs 4:18-19 says “But the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. The way of the wicked is like darkness. They do not know what makes them stumble.” One road is a path of light, the other of darkness. One leads to promise and the other to a stumbling destruction. We can get into darkness before we know it. I get lost so easily, so I understand this concept. We, as mankind, can get lost from the true and only way, our Lord and Savior. We might take the easiest way, thinking it is the best way to go. But we need to follow the roadmap, (or today our GPS) taking the right turns and not relying on our own directions. Proverbs 3:5-6 reads, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” Trusting in God, is a conscience dependence on God to help us navigate through the twists and turns of this life. God’s way is safe and leads us on the right path. If we do not follow the right signs, we can get lost. Proverbs 14:12 reads “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” We might make one choice to make a detour, and end up getting lost in the dark.

Acts 9:2 calls the believers in Jesus, the Way. In this scripture, Saul was “…breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord…” He was on the wrong path until he went on the path to Damascus and Jesus talked to him thru “…a light that shone…” Then, Saul, who had been in the darkness, came into God’s marvelous light and spent the rest of his days, working for the Lord. The road was not easy. It was full of “potholes.” But he stayed on the road of light and not darkness.

Jeremiah 10:23 says “O, Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself. It is not in man who walks to direct his own steps.” We have to follow the directions, the way. We cannot depend on ourselves but rather on the promises God has given us if we follow Him and do not take a destructive path.

Isaiah 55:8-9 reads “For My thoughts are not your thoughts. Nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts,” God only wants the best for us. He loves us no matter what path we might take. But if we follow His way, the only way, we have the promise of a home in heaven with Him one day.

If we swerve off the path, we can have dire consequences in the darkness. But if we get back on the right one, we have hope through His light.  I love the fact that followers of Jesus in bible times were called “the Way.” They did, and we need to keep following the path that is illuminated by our God. If and when, we do swerve off the right way, we need to get back on the right pathway.  

 I need to be sure I am on that right path. Matthew 7:13-14, tells us that the roadway into destruction is wide. But the way, that leads to life, is a narrow gate. It is easier to follow the crowd. This verse says “…difficult is the way which leads to life…” Our life here on this earth is not easy. It is hard. But God promises us, if we are faithful and stay on that strait path, we will be able to go to heaven; a place of light, of praising our God, of no pain, no hard choices, nothing of this world will be there.

I will never know where all those people were going, in that traffic that day. But I have control of the choices of which road to take, to be sure I am on that right path. Make sure that others look to you to show them the right way!

Till next time!

                                                       Keela

RABBIT HOLE


 
The look on the face of the organizer of the ladies’ retreat, will be something I will always remember. Years ago, my mother and I went to an overnight ladies’ retreat where I was one of the speakers. My speech was not until the next day. I was so excited to share the story of my struggles in hopes to touch someone’s heart to know that there is hope, even in the worst times of our lives. By this time, I had published one of my books and asked the organizer if I could set up a card table to offer my book for sale. She said no. So, that was ok. My brother had helped me with an overhead presentation, which I was excited to share. At the time of my speech, I got up and thanked the ladies who had gotten the retreat together and we clapped for them. Then I shared with the audience of ladies, my message. Afterwards, I went back and sat down with my mother and friend. The organizer of the ladies’ retreat got up, looked straight at me and with that memorable look on her face, said “I guess we know who we will NOT ask back to the retreat next year.” I did not think much about it that day. But then a few days later, I wondered if she had been talking to me. I let it go and gave it to God. And forgave the lady for her words and the look on her face. What she said was true though, I was never asked back.
Fast forward, about ten years later. For some reason, I started thinking about that day and the look the lady gave me. I was not upset at her, but started questioning why she had looked and said what she did. By these many years later, I did not have the information of how to contact the organizer. I always want to improve my presentations, so I asked my friend who had met me there if she knew why the organizer would have been upset by what I said or did. She said the only thing she could think of was that I had the ladies clap, recognizing the hard work that it took to get the retreat together. She said the night before, the organizer had mentioned there was to be no clapping. Of course, if I would have remembered that, I would never have asked for applause.
I also, knew the lady who had recommended me and sent her a letter asking if she knew why the organizer would have looked and said what she had. She was kind enough to write back and said, yes, it was because of the clapping. Also, I had mentioned my book once while making a point and my speech did not have enough personal examples. She also said, that maybe I should take some speaking courses at the local community college to help with my nervousness.
I was not upset with her for mentioning those things, but rather what she said sent me down the rabbit hole of loss of confidence. For thirty- six years, every other year, I had spent hours getting ready, organizing, writing and speaking at, ladies’ events, with about a hundred in attendance, which lasted all day. I questioned all the speeches I had given, my ability or right to publish books, all the ladies’ classes in homes and at churches I had taught, the right to send out a blog, my organization skills and maybe all of those years of ladies’ days I had organized, were just a waste and not as well received as I had thought. Maybe, the ladies were thrilled that I had stopped. I have always thought that my God given purpose for my life was to share with other women, to help them through hard times in their lives by my speaking engagements, my blog and my books. God had allowed me to go through those rough years, so that I could give women hope. But maybe, I have just been fooling myself all these years.
Have you ever gone down a rabbit hole like I did? Down into the darkness with no end in sight-only negativity? Stomping on the values and purpose of your life and questioning the years of, what you perceived as God’s purpose, for your life? I, to a certain extent, have always been that way. When a negative comment is made to me, I don’t get upset but rather question my motives and the core of who I am and try to make improvements. This time, I wondered if I had wasted my time, money and effort on what I had done in the past. Disillusioning myself of all those years.
The reason I thought about that day, years ago, was that I wanted to know how to improve myself, to help me to be a better speaker, better Christian woman. But instead, I let myself listen to the darkness of the devil and I sank into that rabbit hole.  After having my rabbit hole of a pity party, I fought my way back to being the positive person that I try hard to be. I started thinking about all the times I had put myself out there and had positive responses. I remembered the time that I had given a speech and started having a coughing fit in the middle of it. Afterwards, a woman and her friend came up to me and told me that she had planned to commit suicide when she got home. But because of something I said in my speech, I gave her hope to keep on living. I knew, God had used me that day, even in my humanness, to give her encouragement that life is worth living. I remembered all the thank you cards, I have gotten through the years for the time and love I had poured into the ladies’ events, I had organized. I remembered a ladies’ event that I was the only speaker. I gave three speeches that day. They had created the entire day around what I was speaking on. The ladies praised and thanked me for coming and many sent cards. I thought of the ladies’ event where between 1000 to 1500 attend. I have been asked to be a vendor of my books in their arena. (Because of covid, events like these had been stopped but are slowly coming back.) I realized that I did not want to listen to anymore of the devils lies that sent me into the tailspin of darkness. I knew my rabbit hole of self-doubt was not how a Christian woman (especially of my age) should be living the rest of her life. I realized I needed to reach up to the light of God and pull myself back into His marvelous light.
I looked back on my life and the things I had done and instead of thinking of all of them as negative, I started thinking of them as positive. I remembered who God says that I am: chosen-redeemed-fearfully and wonderfully made-unique-victor instead of victim-valuable-one of a kind-accepted-daughter of the King. Nothing is more powerful than what we say to ourselves. If we hear enough negativity from yourself or others, you begin to believe it and succumb to the lies of the devil, who wants to keep you in a rabbit hole of darkness. You become a follower of the devil in the darkness instead of in God who is light!
You are asking yourself, why is she telling this story. Why put myself out there raw and fresh with doubts. It had taken me many years to build my self -confidence up to be able to put myself out there in the first place and then in a matter of minutes, I dug myself into that hole of lack of self-confidence. Did you recognize the word in that last sentence, that was wrong for a Christian woman to feel? That word is-SELF. It is not about MY abilities or how great of a job I do or do not do. It is about God and the confidence we get through Him and the faith that God will continue to be with us, if it is in His will for our purpose. I started praying and reading scripture.
Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” God never puts inside your heart to do something and then not give you the ability or ways to achieve it. We are to have our trust and faith in God. I turned to my mothers’ favorite verse in the Bible. Ephesians 3:20-21. “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” We cannot even begin to imagine what God can do thru us when we realize that He is in control and guides our steps, if we obey His laws. We have to have confidence that we, through God’s help, can do things we cannot even image doing! That is God confidence, not self-confidence.
Our confidence is built up through previous experience. Times when God has shown us the way and given us the words to accomplish according to our God given purpose. A confident person is merely a realist who understands his or her own ability, thru God. Proverbs 3:5-6, 26 reads “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths… For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught.” Paul said in 2 Corinthians 2:12 “…a door was opened to me by the Lord…” Paul’s confidence was not in himself. After all, Paul had killed Christians before he was called by the Lord. How could anyone believe him? The only way was that God would guide his steps, give him confidence and open doors for him, even though Paul had many discouragements (2 Corinthians 1:8).
So, what have I learned? The resurrection of Jesus provides the key throughout life that confidence is based not on OURSELVES or OUR abilities but on God who can raise the dead and give us the capacity to face adversity and our fears. Our confidence lies in the fact that God is God and if it is His will, it will happen. Our relationship with God hinges on the fact that one day, if we have been faithful, we will see God in heaven when our time on this earth is over. If I stayed in that rabbit hole, of lack of confidence, God could not work with and through me to fulfill His purpose for the rest of my life.
I am thankful for the feedback these ladies gave me. I reacted in the wrong way by falling into the dark hole of self-doubt. I will look into some college classes, even at the age of 66. I have learned to remember the requests by the organizer of ladies’ days and keep those out of my speech and actions. I am assured I have helped women walk closer to God through the years. They have told me, either by the physical or mental help I have given them that there is hope, even in the midst of adversity. I have helped them to: take one more step-live one more minute-remember they are a daughter of the one and only King-to have courage-help them to see with God, anything is possible.
Are there any opportunities out there for me to share my story either by getting up in front and sharing what I have gone through, share my thoughts in this blog or through the pages of another book? Only God knows. But I do have confidence in Him that if I am to share my story to others in the future, that God will open those doors for me. I just have to take the first step and have confidence that through God, all things are possible! He will give me the words and heart felt message that woman need to hear.
Rabbit holes! It is dark down there. It is painful down there. It makes you think things that are not true. Don’t stay down there or you will have let the devil win. Dig your way out. Don’t listen to the negativity that the devil feeds you and reach out and find God’s light! I did! Thank you, God!
Till next time!
                                                       Keela